If Only

The beginning of the end.

The first day that I was on the medication I was so relaxed I laughed at everything.  My mom called the doctor and they adjusted the dosage. I got the new meds the following week. No laughing this time.

I felt emotionless and bored. I hated the medication. So I would throw it away. Nobody noticed. And I started to feel like myself as time went by. But the dreams came back with the feelings. But I just ignored them as best as possible. Which was not easy. It took all of my energy and left me always tired from lack of sleep.

It was so bad my friends took notice. They left me alone because I was always mad at something. My therapist found out about the medication and my mom had to watch me take it every morning.

It was the still the beginning of school and I was nervous. I hate meeting new people especially teachers. But it happened at the beginning of every year.

When I walked into class the teacher wasn't there yet. Thank god. I took a seat in the middle of class next to my friend Megan. When the teacher walked in I noticed two things it was a boy and he was kinda cute. Not in a datable sense but in a trustable way. He was new science teacher.

I went through the day ignoring most people. Until I got to lunch. After lunch I went right back to the same routine. Well until I walked into social studies. The teacher was really loud. He screamed in normal sentences. I didn't enjoy his class.

When I got home I went straight to bed. Hopeful to get a few hours. In the morning I woke up with two hours of sleep under my belt. Half way through school I fell asleep. In social studies. When he woke me up I was sent to the office. They gave me detention. This was the beginning of the end.