The Darkness of The Sun

Chapter 15

Grant

5:55 p.m.

The door slammed shut.

"Azaria what the hell?"

"What?"

"I wake up to a note you just throw on the counter, leaving your phone here. Not giving me any clue where the fuck you are." I began to yell.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you needed my exact coordinates at each given moment."

"Azaria, you know that's not what I meant."

"Then why is it okay for you huh? To go off for your day with your friends avoiding me at all costs? But when I do it, everything that you've done is irrelevant."

"That's completely different."

"You know Grant, I don't think it is."

"I sat around all day waiting for you, a call from somewhere. I was worried."

"See how it feels?"

"Why do you do this bullshit? Just to get back at me?"

"I did this for myself, I needed a break."

"Oh from what, a break from me Azaria? I'm causing all the damn stress in your life? I'm trying day in and day out to help you but, you know it's never good enough." I lowered my voice.

"I think you give yourself too much credit Grant."

"I'm here everyday, listening to you, helping you in every possible way I can think of."

"I don't know."

"Well Azaria, neither do I."

"I'm going." She reached for the keys, but I snatched them before she could.

"No you're not." She started to walk out the door, but I grabbed her wrist.

"I took off of work just to wait for you. Now I'm going to be so far behind." She pulled away.

"Don't try and force your guilt on me."

"God damn it just go."

She did exactly that, walked out of the doorway and slammed it shut. I was filled with range, but soon guilt. Realizing how violent and out of control I was.

Sitting down I tried to recall each fight. Everytime I was so infuriated, so cruel and toxic. I knocked Azaria down so far, cursing and calling her names. She was right, I gave myself too much credit. The selfish bitter guy I was during our fights overruled my normal self. Blinding her from who I am, how much I care, and how much I fucking love her.

I covered my face with my hands, as my whole body throbbed with discuss. There's no way I could make up for every time, everything I did. Truth is I never learn, I don't take the chance to grasp my mistakes and to fix them. Never finding a cure to treat this behavior of mine. I'm going to lose her. My thoughts turned into words.

"I'm going to lose her."