The Darkness of The Sun

Chapter 19

Grant

Walking in, kicking off my shoes, sneaking into bed with her. Azaria was finally back in my arms. She jumped awake and kissed me.

"It's about time." She laughed, but her eyes seemed dead.

"Are you alright?"

"Just m..." She stopped.

"I missed you Azaria."

"It's missed you too." Saying under her breath.

That sparkle she held within her blue eyes, they were fading. I couldn't help but think this was my fault, that I had to fix it. But perhaps I lost my spark, or maybe our relationship lost it's spark. It's dull, and growing duller.

I am fully aware of the problem, unlike the solution. The problem is me mostly, my lack of expression. Not being with her as much as I should. Giving her my word, but not keeping it as I should.

Fading efforts have a horrid result, no matter what relationship. You drift, lose all that ever was or what could be. Until it's too late, and that it might be. Too late to make it up to Azaria yet again. I can't physically nor mentally offer her what she needs. I'm too out of touch, distant. I bore her, and as she said she'd lose interest. She loses interest in most everyone. You see, Azaria is different. She craves adventure and excitement. Living for the thrill, boring and ordinary is not the lifestyle she can maintain or stand.

But that's all I am, ordinary. Nothing special, just a plan 19 year old guy. So, I'll dullen the light. Until slowly then all together nothing.

She fell asleep, I looked down at her arms. Thin. Looked down at her legs, thin. She wasn't eating, I placed my hand on her stomach and felt it crying for food. I woke her up.

"C'mon, let's go."

"Where? What?"

I didn't answer, and I carried her to the car. We then arrived at the grocery story. I threw all different kinds of food in the cart, what Azaria loved. She stopped me.

"Grant... All my favorite foods? Stop."

I kept going, checked out, came home, and didn't say a word until finally.

"Eat."

"Stop."

"You can't resist for much longer."

We ate some chocolate cake, made a pizza, and had many fruit snacks. She ran to the bathroom and puked numerous times. All the food at once upset her empty stomach so badly.

"I can't binge, why the hell did you think that would help?" I messed up again.

"Because I'm fucking stupid, and only trying to help my girlfriend. My beautiful damn girlfriend, who's so extremely hot but she refuses to see herself how I do. Refuses to view herself beautiful more than she declines food." She cried, and I hugged her.

We sat in the bathroom for awhile, her in my lap I played with her hair. Saying over into new words each time how much I loved her.

"I'm sorry, guys are so stupid. And unfortunately, I'm a guy." She smirked, and we called it a night.