The Darkness of The Sun

Chapter 16

Azaria

My feelings toppled over, falling face first resulting in utter shock and anger. Part of me says I can't handle all the bullshit anymore, but there's always that other side. The side that says in the end it's worth it, but is it? Worth all the tears, stress, worrying, and you know that's the question I just can't answer. I'm oblivious to the outcome of this.

I want a guy who'd spend all day with me, talking to me. Adventurous, wild, and never running out of things to say. Goals including making me laugh and smile. So, I guess I have the wrong guy.

We've become opposites, completely unaware of who the other person even is. His personality hidden behind his complexion. While the inside rots and slowly pushes through, ultimately creating this person.

I'm so severely unhappy, but I don't know if this is due to having Grant in my life. Or if it's just who I am, whom I've developed and became. It's perplexing, as am I. Times come that I can't understand myself.

I enjoy my time alone. Whether it's drinking tea and reading, or out exploring the incomparable sights. Then I come across a family, a couple, or friends hanging out. In which makes me realize... As much as I love to be alone, I do not want to be lonely.

I felt a touch on my shoulder, I turned quickly.

"Hey." Grant looked down.

"Hi."

"So, do you think we could start over? Please." Still not making eye contact.

"I'm tired of that."

"Azaria if you're tired of starting over, then stop giving up." He looked me in the eyes this time. With all seriousness, he gazed so deeply like he was about to kiss me.

"Maybe I could just extend the term."

"What?"

"We're o..." He stopped me mid sentence.

"I don't want to hear those words. I think I'll lose it, which is crazy. Because I lost everything there's nothing else to lose but my mind."