The Darkness of The Sun

Chapter 8

Azaria

I convinced the doctors to allow me home, because I wasn't able to pay the unthinkable bill. So morning dawned, Grant welcomed me with his incredible smile and a kiss. Helped me in his tall royal blue pick up truck, yhen put his arm around me lightly.

"Where we going?" I asked leaning on his shoulder, and closing my eyes.

"We're getting pizza, hospital food can't be all that pleasing." He chuckled.

"Rocky Rococo's please and thank you."

It was just like old times, out to eat at our favorite little pizza place. I was happy, really happy. It felt so easy, so wonderful to let go.

"Hey sweetheart?" He asked as his smile grew, looking down at my outfit.

"I'm still in a lovely hospital gown I know Grant."

We laughed together, the slightest things seemed hilarious. For the first time in years I ate so much without a care in the world. I didn't pay attention to any of the calories, nothing.

Being anorexic for three years, this was a huge achievement. Grant knew about my disorder, he'd always give me compliments and encouraged me to eat. Not eating made me feel strong, immune to hunger felt powerful.

But then I began to give out, I'd faint randomly and always feel sick to my stomach. I could fit my hand around my calf, I was basically a bag of bones. So around two months ago I stopped. Everything seemed to be falling into place again, my weight was more normal. My skin wasn't a pale purplish shade, rather back to its normal color. It was better, I was better.

Now I have so much recovery to go through. Fixing so many problems of my own all at once, is frustrating and difficult. Everyone views depression as an off and on switch, thinking you choose the day it's on. I'm no light switch, the feeling is temporary but appears permanent to the prey.

"I'm proud of you, ya know." Grant said interrupting my thoughts.

"Why?"

"Silly, look at you! Look how far you've come, and how perfect you are now." He said gesturing towards me.

"Shhh Grant, shh."

"This is something the world should know and adore!" He continued to yell and I began to laugh. We both laughed for what seemed like hours, I swear I couldn't have been any happier.