Down By The River (germangie)

A look

Chapter 21

"Nothing! We were just having a girly chat, you know what we're like. Nothing to report" Vilu quickly backtracks, trying to salvage the situation

"Come on, let me in on the gossip" he says enthusiastically. He seems to really want to know so it may be best to just tell him the truth, after all it's only German.

"She asked me what I would do if you proposed" I say quietly, nervous at the response

"And what did you say?"

"I said I'd probably say yes"

"Good to know."

"Wait what? Dad? Hang up, I need to talk to you!" Vilu says excitedly

Good to know? Does that mean he's planning on something soon? Or was he joking? A wave of nerves sweeps over me as I dread to think what Vilu is saying to him.

"Ang, come show us!" Elise beckons from outside on the stage. I tentatively walk out to the platform and no one responds. I spin to see the assistant holding a veil which I try on.

"If German doesn't propose soon you better ask him so you can wear that dress" Lucy giggles happily.

"Wait German? Wasn't that the name of Maria's husband?" Luna asks Elise confused

"One and the same" Elise replies calmly. You'd think Elise just told her I was a serial killer from the look she was giving me. The horror on her face reminds me of Maria and everything my mum said about me being with German. What if I'm just the closest replacement? If Vilu starts calling me mum it would be like taking her place, as if I were trying to forget her. But I can't. I could never. She's my sister. I feel terrible for picturing myself doing what she had done 20 years earlier, walking down the same isle to the same man, supressing the memories of her very own wedding. I just can't do it. I can't marry German. I need to get this dress off.

I run straight back into the dressing room where I start sobbing. Why am I with him if I feel this way about even marrying him? I can't even imagine a future with him without this much guilt, I don't know how I'll manage in the future. But I need to pull myself together. This is Elise's special day and I'm not about to ruin it. I quickly wipe the tears from my face and put on a smile before stepping outside. Elise shoots me a look to see if I'm okay so I nod and smile. I can tell her later, just not here, in front of everyone.