The Free Pass

Chapter 9

Shawn

Mallory left my hotel room, and I immediately grabbed the ultrasound photos and looked at them again. I couldn't believe how much the baby looked like a real baby. I could make out every feature on its face. During the procedure, we'd watched as it moved around, several times bringing a tiny hand up to its face. That blew me away.

I collapsed on the bed and started to cry because I was so overcome with emotion. I let the tears flow instead of holding my feelings in, which is what I'd been doing for months.

Something big had hit me today in the radiologist's office.

I loved this baby.

I loved this baby more than I've ever loved anything in my life.

This baby was my life now.

Nothing was ever going to be the same. Everything would now revolve around the baby. That was terrifying, but it also made me extremely happy. I thought music gave me a purpose. That was nothing compared to this. This was purpose. This was meaning. This was what it was all about.

I needed to start rethinking things. I was going to record an album later this summer. It was set to be done in Malibu at The Woodshed. That had to change. I could record in Toronto. I couldn't spend a month away from my baby, and it would be too young to travel.

Next year I was going to tour. I'd have to plan that around the baby. It could be done, I knew that, but the baby was now the priority. Andrew and I would have to have a meeting soon. Surely he'd understand how I felt about this. Although maybe he wouldn't; he wasn't a father. I'd make him understand.

I quickly took a couple photos of the baby pics and sent them to my mom and dad so that they could see their grandchild.

They immediately replied. My dad told me congrats. My mom texted once with an emoji and then called me since talking was how we communicated with each other best.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" she asked without saying hello.

"We're not finding out until it's born," I said. "The baby is perfect, yeah? Like the most perfect thing ever."

"Not finding out will be fun, but I feel like that wasn't your idea," she said with a chuckle. "And yes, Shawn. That is a perfect baby."

I choked back a sob. "Mom?"

"What's wrong, honey?" she asked, worry in her voice.

"Nothing. Nothing is wrong. I just...I just love the baby."

I could hear her sniffle on the other end of the phone.

"Of course you do. It's your baby. You created it with Mallory and that's an amazing thing."

It was amazing.

"They said they baby is healthy and everything looked great," I told her.

"It sounds like it was a good appointment. How's Mallory doing?"

"She's fine. Her belly is starting to pop out. I think people are going to start noticing soon."

"We knew it would get out eventually. It'll be fine," she assured me.

"I've got to go. I have a flight. I'll call you when I get home."

"I love you," she said before ending the call.

I stared at the pictures again. In about 20 weeks, I'd be looking at the real thing. I'd get to hold the baby in my arms and kiss the sweet face I was looking at on paper.

Mallory had cried hard during the exam, but I'd tried to hold it in, though a few tears had escaped. I didn't want her to know how this affected me, which was stupid. Now I wanted her to know. I wanted to tell her how much I loved our baby and that for the first time I was truly happy and excited about what was coming.

Mallory. She was the mother of my child. I really liked her. I liked her more than I'd liked any other woman in a long time. Maybe we could make it work. Maybe we should try.

I set the pictures down and laid back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

As of now, it was decided that Mal would move in with me. Once things had turned physical between us, we'd decided that we'd share my room, and we'd turn the guest room into a nursery. We were now a couple, and I'd promised that she was the only one.

How was any of this different from being married? Married couples lived together, shared a bed, raised a family, and were monogamous. Getting married was just making it legal and official.

There was one distinction, though. You got married because you were in love. Mallory and I were not in love.

I'd never been in love. I'd had a girlfriend in high school, and I thought that was love. When I looked back on it, I knew it wasn't real. I'd never really been looking for love, though. I liked the single life. One of the perks of my career was that stunning women threw themselves at me. I admit I took advantage of that. Frequently.

A couple weeks ago, I'd gone out with a few of my friends. We started drinking and I started asking questions about relationships. They now knew I was seeing Mallory, but they didn't know about the baby. I could trust my best friends with any secret, but I wasn't ready to talk about that. Not yet.

"How did you know you were in love?" I asked Ian. He'd been in a relationship for almost two years.

"You just know, man. It happens and you know."

"Did you know right away, or did you realize it later?"

He laughed. "I knew within 24 hours of meeting her. I remember waking up and thinking, 'Oh shit, I love this girl!'"

I turned to Brian. "What about you?"

"It was love at first sight," he said.

I frowned. This was not what I wanted to hear. I wanted someone to tell me that sometimes love takes time and that it starts out feeling a lot like friendship. That happened, right? Don't they always say that the best couples start as friends?

Ian cocked his head, "Are you worried that you don't love this girl you've been seeing?"

"Her name is Mallory. And no, worried isn't the right word. I'm just trying to figure out if my feelings are normal."

"There's no right or wrong way to fall in love," Brian said, "but if you don't love her after dating a while, something might be off."

And that's what I was afraid of. What if love wasn't a possibility for me and Mal?

And yet, we did care about each other and we got along really well. We could be happy. And we'd share our common love for our child. The baby would be surrounded by love, even if it wasn't the love two parents should have for each other. Wouldn't that be enough for our baby?

Author's note:

Two updates today.

Enjoy and have a great weekend!