The Free Pass

Chapter 34

Mallory

Weeks passed. The hardest part of new parenthood became easier, since Grace was now only waking up twice a night to eat. When she got down to one feeding a night, I was going to move into her room with her. We'd bought a bed along with bedding that matched the gray and hot pink in the room. It was cute, but it was also a reminder of our failed marriage.

I'd decided that I needed to learn how to cook. The meals my mom had made had run out and we couldn't rely on the Mendes family to feed us forever. This may have sounded strange, but as long as I was living in Shawn's home, I felt I needed to be doing something for him. He'd given up a lot for me. Since he loved food, this was the least I could do.

I bought several cookbooks online and started pinning recipes on Pinterest, which sadly made me feel like I'd just aged ten years. I shuddered at the thought that I was turning into my mom.

"What's that you're making?" he asked as he walked in the kitchen late one afternoon.

He'd been in his studio working on a song. Soon he'd continue recording for his new album.

Gracie always took a long nap around this time, so I was utilizing my free time to make dinner.

"I found a recipe for Thai green curry chicken that sounded really good and really easy," I said.

"Awesome. Need help?" he asked.

"Can you add those frozen peas to the curry? I'm going to get the rice cooking."

He did as instructed and then hopped up on the counter.

"What do we have coming up next week? Does Gracie have any appointments?"

"She has a pediatrician visit on Wednesday. The following Monday I have my follow-up with Dr. Abbott. I'm bringing Gracie to that since the doctor wants to see her."

"Do I go to that appointment?" he asked.

"You don't have to, but it would be helpful if someone was there to handle Grace while I'm examined."

He nodded. "Dr. Abbott hates me, but I'll go."

I looked at him. I could tell that everything surrounding our daughter's birth was still bothering him.

"Shawn, I forgive you for what happened. I really do. It's over and done. Maybe the labor and delivery weren't ideal, but we have our daughter, she's healthy and happy, and that's all that matters. You need to let it go."

He looked down, avoiding eye contact with me. "I ruined everything between, and I can't just let that go," he said quietly.

I sighed and got back to cooking. Shawn would not accept that our estrangement wasn't just caused by what had happened the night Gracie was born. The real problem was that he didn't love me.

When dinner was ready, we sat at the dining room table and ate. The baby monitor sat in front of us so that we'd know if Grace woke up. She usually started to wake up right as we finished eating. I'd feed her while Shawn did the dishes. Like clockwork, we heard her start to cry as we were clearing the table.

"I'll get her," I said.

I got to the room and picked her up out of the bassinet giving her a bunch of kisses. I quickly changed her and then brought her to the living room to feed her so that we could keep Shawn company as he cleaned the kitchen.