The Free Pass

Chapter 32

Mallory

I only stayed one night in the hospital because I was feeling pretty good and knew I'd be more comfortable at home. Not that Shawn's condo truly felt like home, yet.

My parents stayed in Toronto for four days. They took turns with Shawn's parents at coming over so that we never had a houseful of people all at once. My mom spent a lot of her time shopping and cooking meals that she popped in the freezer for later. I swear we had enough food for several weeks, if not more. Shawn's parents said that when that food ran out, they'd make more meals for us. Considering neither of us cooked very well, it was a blessing.

The grandparents were determined to help us get rest. They'd watch the baby while we napped. Grace liked to eat every two hours at night, so getting a few extra hours sleep during the day was incredible.

Shawn and I had an underlying tension between us. We had decided to postpone talking about our issues until after my parents were gone and our lives got into a regular routine. This meant that things were simmering beneath the surface. It was like a volcano we knew was going to erupt.

Despite this, we were sharing a bedroom and a bed. I needed him there at night. There were times when I was too tired to get up and change Grace and then bring her into bed for a feeding. He'd take care of her, bring her to me to nurse, and then put her back in the bassinet. If she wasn't sleepy, he'd stay up with her. He often took her to her nursery where he'd gently rock her while singing.

There was nothing romantic between us, though. Several times he'd tried to give me a kiss on the forehead or sit right next to me on the couch. I finally had to tell him to stop. This wasn't easy for me because, honestly, I missed the affection. I just couldn't get sucked back into everything. It hurt too much to love and not be loved back.

After my parents left, our life as a family of three started for real. We were on our own, though obviously Karen and Manny were nearby. They said that they wanted to give us some time to bond as a family, so we weren't going to see them for a few days.

I woke up on the Friday morning after Grace's birth to find Shawn cuddled against me. I'd been placing my huge body pillow, which I'd used during pregnancy, between us to prevent this. The pillow was now down at the bottom of the bed. I wondered if he'd moved it. It often got displaced, so maybe not. Regardless, I didn't need his body pressed against mine.

I wriggled out from his grasp and got out of bed. Grace was still asleep. She'd slept quite a while, which I could tell in my boobs. They were painfully full. I went to the bathroom and peed. Everything down there was feeling a bit better. I no longer needed ice packs and could manage the pain with Tylenol. After brushing my teeth, I got back in bed. Shawn woke up as I adjusted the comforter.

"Good morning," he said sleepily. "Did we actually wake up before the baby?"

"Yep."

"God, I slept so well," he said as he sat up and stretched.

I had, too. I suspected it was from the cuddling, but I wasn't about to mention that.

"I think we should talk today," I said.

"Okay. Now?"

"Maybe in a little bit. I'm hungry. You need coffee. I'm sure Grace will be awake soon and will be starving. Once everyone's been taken care of, we can sit down."

He nodded. "I'll go get you something to eat."

He came back a few minutes later with a banana and a blueberry muffin. He also brought me some water.