The Free Pass

Chapter 19

Shawn

I hadn't walked into the bar that night with the intention of cashing in the free pass that Mallory had given me.

The night in question was ten days before the wedding. I wouldn't say I had cold feet; it was more that I had cold everything. I was just numb. I wasn't angry or unhappy or anything that negative. But at the same time, I was feeling anxiety about getting married. I was excited about the baby and I genuinely wanted to share that whole experience with Mal. I cared deeply for her and enjoyed every minute I spent with her. But I wasn't happy like a groom should be.

I walked to a bar about five blocks from my condo, because I really needed a strong drink. It was one of those dive bars where people who drink way too much go to escape. This was perfect because in places like that, no one is focused on you, and it's unlikely anyone is going to notice that you are a celebrity.

I sat at the bar and ordered a whiskey. Before the bartender, a pretty brunette, started to pour, I upped my order to a double.

Two doubles later and I was telling the bartender about my 'friend' who got a girl pregnant and was now marrying her for the sake of the unborn child.

I know. Telling anyone this, even under the ridiculous pretense of it being a friend, was probably stupid. She was an incredible listener, though, and once I started talking to her, I couldn't stop. I told her everything.

Up until now, there wasn't anyone I could talk to. Sure I talked to Brian, but I couldn't be fully honest with him. I didn't want him worrying or judging, so I'd focused on convincing him this was the right decision. I downplayed my doubts and fears. It was similar with my parents. I may have even mislead them a bit about my feelings for Mallory. I never came out and said I loved her, but I hadn't said I didn't. As for Andrew, he talked at me about everything related to this instead of talking with me. I'd become a liability for him and the label. I was hoping that once I was married and the baby was born, we could resume the great relationship we'd had for years.

So sitting at that bar, drinking whiskey, I let it out. I told her how I, or rather my 'friend,' was feeling about all the things looming ahead in the future.

The bartender's name was Beth, and she wasn't model beautiful or anything close to it, but she was lovely in a natural way. I knew right away that she was definitely a bit older than me. Maybe 28? Hell, she could have been a young looking 35. What was most striking about her were her kind eyes. The were warm brown and were framed by the longest lashes I'd ever seen on a person.

Beth listened to me for over an hour. Occasionally she'd ask a question or respond to what I was saying. Mostly she just let me vent. When the bar closed, we were the last two people there. She poured me another drink and then poured herself one. She walked around the bar and took a seat next to me, clinking her glass against mine.

"So what is your friend going to do about the free pass that his fiancée extended him?"

"He doesn't know. He knows he shouldn't do anything, but at the same time, he knows he wants to have one last night of freedom."

She gave me a sweet smile and brushed the curls that were falling forward out of my eyes. "I think your friend should go home and sleep off the whiskey he's had. Things might be clearer in the morning."

"Am I a horrible person if I use the free pass?" I asked, my words slurring slightly. I'd decided to drop the friend nonsense.

"A horrible person would have been screwing around throughout his fiancée's pregnancy and a free pass would be meaningless to him."

"You're beautiful," I said suddenly, though I'd thought it multiple times that night.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm always prettier to my customers after they've been drinking."

"No. You really are. I don't just mean your looks. You're soothing. Calming. You have a beautiful soul."

"You've had a lot to drink. Perhaps that's what soothed you."

"Nah. I've had plenty to drink in the last five months. Alcohol never makes me feel better. It usually has the opposite effect."

"I'm glad I could help," she said, smiling that kind smile again.

"Do you know who I am?" I asked her. It hadn't come up the whole night. I knew her name, but she didn't know mine.

"I do, but don't worry. Your secrets are safe with me. I promise."

"Thanks," I said. I then leaned closer to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. I pulled back and looked at her, trying to find an answer in her eyes. They sent me the message I'd hoped for.

I leaned in again, this time connecting with her mouth. My lips brushed gently against hers. She tasted like whiskey, which was incredibly sexy. I got off my bar stool so that I could move closer to her. She separated her legs and I moved between them so that we were pressed against each other. The kisses grew increasingly passionate and demanding. Her hands pulled at my hair and I placed my hands on her hips, pulling her even closer to me as she wrapped her legs around me. I wanted her to feel what she was doing to me.

We broke apart. "I have an apartment upstairs," she said. "Give me ten minutes to close up the bar. During that time, think about this and make sure it's what you want to do. If you change your mind, it's fine."

I sat back down and watched as she loaded up the dishwasher with glasses, wiped down the bar, turned off the lights, and locked the front door.

The decision had already been made. I wasn't going to change my mind.

Beth took my hand and led me up a stairway at the back of the bar.

"My dad owned this bar and lived here until he died," she explained. "I took it over and moved in."

The apartment was small but nicer than I expected. The bar was pretty crappy, but her home was quite cozy.

We walked through the living area, straight to the bedroom. This was not a romantic interlude. She knew I was there for one thing, and she was willing to provide it with no strings attached. That was unspoken but understood.

We undressed ourselves and started kissing again. She grabbed a condom from her bedside table, and we got onto the bed.

The sex with Mallory was better. Our sex life was fantastic, actually. In fact, that was something that made marrying her easier. I knew we'd be happy in that aspect of our marriage.

This was different though. It was primal. It was intense. It was liberating. Honestly, it was a release that I didn't know I needed until it happened. Maybe Mal knew, and that's why she'd brought this up in the first place.

When we were done, there was no cuddling. We lay on our separate sides recovering from what we'd done.

"You okay?" she asked me after five minutes.

"Yeah. I'm good," I said.

"Any regrets?"

I definitely felt a pang of guilt, but I wouldn't say I regretted what we'd done.

"No."

Mal had said that after I did it, I had to tell her if it changed how I felt about getting married. I felt a huge sense of relief that it changed nothing. It didn't make me particularly sad that this was my last fling. It didn't leave me wanting more. It didn't make me want to call off the wedding.

I wanted to thank Beth for being there for me tonight as I got dressed, but words felt inadequate. She walked me down to the bar and locked the door behind me as I left. I turned and looked at her through the glass of the door and she smiled at me. I gave her a small wave and made my way home.

Now, on the eve of my wedding, as I thought about the encounter with Beth, I realized why Mallory had suggested I do it. She wanted me to be sure. When we'd talked in the garden a few hours ago, I'd reassured her that I was.