The Free Pass

Chapter 57

Shawn

Mallory was right about one thing. I needed space. When she said that maybe she needed to leave, I had to get the fuck out of there. I could not deal with another big fight. Jesus, we'd just had a yelling match the night before, and if we got back on the topic of her leaving or us divorcing, I'd blow up. I needed to get away and think.

At first I was going to work out. I felt that intense physical exertion might release some of the anger and frustration that was building inside me.

When I got to my car, I realized that I'd forgotten my water bottle and my gym pass. Fuck. I'd left telling Mallory that I was done with the discussion. I wasn't going to go back in after making my big exit. I'd look stupid.

As I sat in my car, I decided that maybe the best thing was to talk to someone. I called my mom to see if she was home. She often worked from home in the morning, so the odds were in my favor.

"Hi, Shawn," she said as she answered.

"Hi. Are you home?"

"Not at the moment. I'm showing a house.  Is everything okay?"

"No. I need someone to talk to. Will you be home later?"

"I should get home in about 45 minutes."

"Can I meet you there?"

"Of course you can," she said.

Since I had some time to kill, I drove to Pickering and went to my favorite Tim Horton's and grabbed a coffee to go. I sat in my car in the parking lot and drank it. I used this time to think over what I wanted to talk to my mom about.

When I got to the house, my mom hugged me as I walked in. She had a concerned look on her face, which made my feel slightly guilty. I didn't want my life causing her stress. I knew, however, that she'd want to help. She'd be upset if I ever chose not to turn to her because of guilt.

"I'm guessing this has to do with Mallory," she said after we sat down at the kitchen table.

"Things aren't good," I said. "We had a big fight last night and things looked like they were headed that way again this morning, so I left."

"What did you fight about?"

As I drank my coffee in the Tim's lot, I'd debated how much I was going to tell my mom. I decided I needed to be completely honest if she was going to be able to help me. This wouldn't be easy since admitting what I'd done was embarrassing; I knew I'd be disappointing her. In the last year I'd done that far too often.

"I'm going to try to condense what led up to the fight. Hopefully it will make sense," I started. My mom nodded. "Before Mallory and I got married, she gave me a free pass."

"I don't understand," my mom said with a look of confusion.

"She said I could have a night of sex with another woman. She knew I was struggling a little with giving up my, um, freedom."

I hated that I was telling my mom all this, but it was an integral part of our problems.

My mom's face fell in obvious disappointment. "Oh no, Shawn. You didn't do it, did you?"

I sighed. "Yeah, I did. That's who I was with the night Mallory went into labor, too."

Gasping, she said, "You've been cheating on Mallory?!"

"No!" I said, putting my hands up. "I only had sex with the bartender, Beth, that one time before we were married. I'm just friends with her. I went to her that night to talk. She's listened to me several times and has helped me."

"And Mallory knows this?"

"Yes, I've been very honest with her. It hasn't been a big issue for awhile, except last night we were out getting cupcakes and I ran into Beth. I told Mal who she was when she asked."

She thought for a second. "It opened up wounds, which is understandable. Just because you were given permission doesn't change that you slept with another woman. That had to hurt her and put doubts in her mind."

"It did, and it showed me how much Mallory and I both regret that free pass. There's no changing all that, though. I just don't know how to move forward. Also, every time Mal and I have issues she brings up leaving," I said.

"She's probably afraid of getting hurt. She's loved you longer than you've loved her. That makes her more vulnerable. You two are just starting to work things out, so things are especially fragile right now," my mom said.

It made sense. But what now?

I was about to ask my mom what I should do when an alert popped up on my phone screen. My credit card had been used at the Delta hotel.

"Fuck," I swore loudly.

"What's wrong?" my mom asked.

"Mallory booked a hotel. She's leaving."

My mom took my hand in hers. "You need to talk to her. Nothing is so bad between the two of you that it can't be repaired. She loves you, Shawn. She'll want to try to work this out."

"I just wish I could undo some things I've done."

She gave me a sympathetic smile. "Part of growing up is learning to deal with the mistakes we make. Everyone makes them. We all have regrets. It's how you handle the aftermath that matters."

I texted Mal from my car before pulling out of the driveway and got no response. Once I was on the road, I called and left her a voicemail.

The plan was to go home and hope she contacted me, but as I drove back to Toronto my impatience grew. I needed to talk to her now. I never should have left this morning. I could have taken a few minutes to calm down and then we could have kept talking.

I pulled in front of the hotel and handed my keys to the valet. I'd called the front desk from the car, and they'd told me that Mallory had booked room 712 for a week.

Bypassing the front desk, I went straight to the elevator and pressed the number 7. When the doors opened. I sprinted down the hall to the room. When I got to the door, it was open. I stepped in the entrance and saw that the cleaning staff was inside.

"Excuse me," I said to the woman stripping the sheets. "Did the person staying here check out?"

"She was only here a couple hours," she said.

"Thank you," I said as I turned to leave.

Mal either went home or switched hotels. I looked at my phone. There'd been a credit applied to my credit card for most of the previous charge. No new charges had popped up, so she hadn't booked someplace else.

I gave the valet my ticket and some cash and asked him to hurry. I was soon back in my car, rushing home.

Before long, I was pulling into my spot in the parking garage. I was relieved to see Mal's SUV parked in its spot. She'd come back.

"Hurry the hell up," I muttered under my breath as the elevator took forever to reach the garage level. I was about to give up and take the stairs when the double doors slid open. I got in and punched the button for my floor.

When I stepped out of the elevator, I hurried towards the door and unlocked it. I swung it open and saw Mallory sitting on the couch of the living room nursing Gracie.

"You're back," I said, stating the obvious.

She nodded. "I'm sorry I worried you. I never should have left, Shawn."

I shook my head and grinned as I walked closer to her. "It's okay, baby. All that matters is that you're here now. Let's talk."