The Free Pass

Chapter 69

Shawn

I ended my call with Andrew. My single was doing insanely well and he wanted to congratulate me. It had been out for five days and had outsold and outstreamed the singles off my last album in their first few days following the release. This surprised me, but I decided to just roll with it. Maybe this would bode well for my album as a whole.

I'd been busy doing phone interviews and promoting the single on social media. My hand was feeling better, so I was flying to New York tonight to do a couple early morning interviews at my favorite radio stations tomorrow. I'd been scheduled to play my new song on Jimmy Fallon but was going to just do the couch interview instead. I was a little anxious about appearing on TV with my cast, but only Mal and I knew the truth behind the injury, so it was okay.

Mallory and the baby weren't joining me on this trip because Gracie had her first real cold. She was miserable. All she wanted to do all day was nurse and be held. Naps were short and inconsistent and sleeping through the night was not happening. We'd taken her to the doctor and he'd said to just try to keep her nose clear and indulge her as much as we could. He explained that if she's clingy, it's because we were a source of comfort.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't anxious about leaving them. Mal had been sick when I flew to Europe in September and that ended up being disastrous. New York was only a couple hours away, though.

The delicious smell of dinner hit me as I left my studio after getting off the phone. I'd leave to catch my flight right after we ate.

"Whatcha cooking, baby?" I asked as I entered the kitchen.

Mal smiled at me. "Chicken parmesan."

Gracie was in the high chair looking cranky. I walked over to her and squatted down so that I was at eye level with her. I covered my face with my hand and cast.

"Where's daddy?" I asked.

I peeked through the cracks between my fingers of my good hand and saw she was starting to smile.

"Gracie! Where's daddy?!?" I asked more excitedly.

She started to bounce in her seat.

"Peekaboo!" I yelled as I moved my hands away.

Grace started squealing with laughter.

"Want me to feed her some cereal?" I asked.

Mal turned around from the stove where she was stirring the marinara. "She's going to have sweet potatoes tonight. I'll open the jar for you."

I was getting pretty sick of this cast. I regretted punching that wall so damn much. My hand no longer hurt, and I was able to pick Grace up and hold her, but I couldn't do anything that required me to grab with my right hand.

Mallory handed me the orange goo that was supposedly sweet potatoes and a baby spoon, then she put a bib around Gracie's neck. I pulled up a chair and fed her. As I finished, dinner was being placed on the counter. Grace stayed in her high chair and played with some toys after she'd been cleaned up.

"This is fantastic," I told Mal after I'd shoveled half my food in my mouth.

"Thanks. I've got enough for my dinner tomorrow, but I hope you go eat someplace fabulous. Send me pics of your food."

I did tend to eat well when I traveled.

"Oh, and if you bring me I treat from New York, I'll give you a treat tomorrow night," Mal said with a wink.

"Then I'll definitely bring you back a treat," I said.

I looked at my watch to see if we had time for a 'treat' before I had to leave. Sadly, there was not enough time. I barely had time to finish my pasta and salad.

Before long, I was kissing my girls goodbye. By the time I got to my hotel late that night, I was missing them like crazy. Mal texted several times telling me not to worry about Gracie. That didn't keep her from being on my mind.

~~~~~~

Visiting New York in less than 24 hours was exhausting. I was rushed from one thing to the next. I never even got to sit down for a nice meal. I did get a slice of great pizza, which was almost as good as going someplace elegant.

I flew home around dinner time and was back in the condo in time to kiss Gracie goodnight.

"You were so charming tonight on Fallon," Mal said as we were curled up on the sofa eating the Magnolia cupcakes I'd brought back for her treat. We'd just finished watching my interview.

"Did you notice how I deftly swerved the line of questioning away from how I broke my hand?" I asked.

"That was smooth. I'm glad he never came back to it. Throwing in a hilarious baby poop story definitely helped," she said before taking a bite of her treat. "Why is this frosting so good? What do they put in it?"

"You like your cupcake?"

She smiled. "You know I do."

"Gracie's asleep. It's time for my treat, I said.

"Oh yeah? What do you have in mind?"

I grinned. I knew what I wanted. It wasn't going to be one-sided, though. I'd give her the same treat in return.

                               ~~~~~~

Gracie woke up in the middle of the night. Mal was sound asleep so I went into the nursery. Her nose was stuffed up, so after I changed her diaper with one hand, I cleaned it with the weird bulb sucker thing Mallory used. Grace did not enjoy that at all, but once it was done, she seemed relieved to be able to breathe.

I carefully placed her back in the crib. I couldn't fully use my right hand, but I could use it to hold Gracie if I positioned the casted hand behind her back and used my good hand to grasp her. I was about to walk away when she fussed and reached her arms up.

"What's wrong, baby? You not sleepy?" I said to her as I lifted her out of the crib again. I sat down on the glider and pulled her against my chest.

"How about a song, sweet girl," I said. She lifted her head and looked up at me and smiled, almost as if she understood.

Instead of a lullaby, I sang some of my older songs. While I was singing 'Where Were You in the Morning,' she started to relax against me. She rested her head on my chest and closed her eyes. Before long, she was asleep.

I didn't want this moment to end, though. We still had not received the paternity test results, but I knew that at any time I could get the news that she wasn't mine. It was driving me a little crazy. I wanted those tests back, but at the same time, I didn't. I could happily go the rest of my life not knowing. Gracie was my daughter. Okay, maybe not biologically, but she was mine. And she'd continue to be mine. I was willing to fight for us to get primary custody. I wanted to savor the precious time where in theory, she was still my baby. Until she was proven not to be, I was going to pretend she was.

Instead of putting her in the crib, I continued to gently rock her while singing softly. I must have gone through 15 of my songs.

As the night wore on, I got somewhat emotional. Mal and I had been through a lot in the short time we'd been married. It seemed unfair that this new obstacle got thrown in our path. I cried because I didn't want the news about Grace. It broke my heart to imagine the scenario where I'd have to tell my family that she wasn't mine. Not that their relationship with her would change; I knew they'd continue to love her. But it would change things. There'd be another daddy in her life. There'd be another set of grandparents. She'd belong to them, too.

I also cried because I was confident that Mal and I would come out of this okay. Those were happy tears. Yeah, those first few days after she'd told me had sucked. It tested us as a couple. We still loved each other, though. If I didn't love her as much as I did, I know I would have blamed or resented her. Loving her meant that I put myself in her shoes. I knew the paternity question hurt her and that she was scared. That was why I was working so hard at staying calm and positive. I wanted to ease her stress.

But now, while I held my baby in my arms and sang, I let my emotions out. It was definitely cathartic, and I hoped it was enough to get me through hearing the results.