Jinmin SF|OS

스물 넷

Move on
"I'm ready to let go."

To the person who I thought I'd live the rest of my life with ,

It was on the tenth of May when we both realized that maybe , just maybe , fate has other things planned for the both of us— separately.

It all started out with a simple gesture , a shy 'hello' , a small smile on our lips as we're forced to mingle. It was the moment I've been most thankful for because it led me to have you by my side for four years now. I always thought ,"what would've happened if we didn't interact ?" but now I know that will never happen because it felt like destiny to be with you. It became a routine to meet under the same cherry tree that bloomed in the park seasonally , it was our only familiarity as we grew and ventured onto new places. It was a ground that we always had , a place to come back to when we got too lost.

We laughed , we cried , we saw sides of each other that was blind to the public eye. Inseparable by the hip , they said. Two peas in a pod , they said. It's true that we've stuck to each other like there was some sort of glue holding us. We were comfortable with each other , we both became our own cherry blossom trees once the park was demolished. Did we let that get in the way ? We didn't. Our bond was so close , close to the point that we treated each other like family— but we both knew something was amiss. A smile here , a blush there , accidental hand brushings , we slowly filled up our hearts till it finally overflowed , spilling out our feelings.

We didn't become one right away , no one said it was ever going to be easy for two different hearts to mold into one. We had our differences , reputations and circumstances. Caging up our feelings , we swallowed them back in order to protect our friendship. You occasionally brought the topic up at times in the library when we were doing our self-study , passing endless notes of scrap paper that we tore from the edges of our textbooks and worksheets. I finally agreed , thinking that it might go smoothly if we gave a test drive.

That was the first time I saw you smiling so bright with a splash of pink across your cheeks.

If I was being honest , it wasn't smooth-sailing. Our differences grew and we had all sorts of responsibilities and priorities popping up as we went on with our days. There were hours of rage , days of tears and weeks of silence in our relationship. We both panicked ,"is this it ? Is this our end ?" The seam we ripped has been torn to the point that restoration seemed impossible. Afraid of tearing it further , we placed a tape over it. A break is a temporary solution and it's usually a bad omen in relationships but the both of us fought for it and worked it out a few weeks later. Since then we've talked everything out , no matter how childish or petty the problem is. Everyone always talked about how fighting either broke or strengthened the bond we had and I'm proud to say ours is stronger than ever. It might've been too early to say and assume that it is but it felt right for me.

A year deep into our relationship , we started wandering , reaching new heights together. Going to arcades , hanging out after school , planning for study-dates on the weekends , we did all we could to reduce the time we spent apart. Late-night texts , midnight meetings at the convenience store , five-minute plays on the playground , my whole world was envisioned pink and it revolved around you. I know it's bad for me to get too absorbed but teenage love is thrilling and exciting , the rush that you feel is addictive. We keep wanting to know more , to show even more affection. It all seemed so natural , our first kiss , the first time you held me in your arms , you said they were awkward but they were fine to me. Maybe it's all the fuzzy feeling and emotions clouding my judgement but nothing else mattered as long as I was with you.

You were my safe haven , and I was yours. We sought comfort in each other when times were rough and we kept each other grounded when family conflicts popped up out of nowhere. There are days where it seemed like the world was against us but you always caressed my cheek , telling me it'll be okay and pushed forward with our hands linked together. You were always brave and positive , you seemed to have every trick up your sleeves to overcome a hurdle we encounter until we became third-years.