Jinmin SF|OS

서른여덟

Our Hill of Stars
"Angel , did you know that those stars in the sky are small fragments of souls ?"

The clock was ticking , the sound deafening in his ears. Staring at the mirror , he looked at himself closely , blinking hard a few times as he watched droplets of water run down his face , eventually dropping onto the sink.

He took a shaky inhale , his hands starting to shake.

Stop it.

Dunking his head in cold water , he fished his head out again and coughed , gripping onto the sink tighter.

Don't think of it.

His eyes started to sting and his reflection was nothing but a mess of colors , tears already streaming down his face. Biting his lip , he gave out a shout and hit his head , clawing onto his ears and scratching his face.

Everything felt bad. He heard a continuous high-pitch in his ear along with the ticking of the clock and his own heartbeat. His stomach was twisting and turning , throat starting to burn.

Fuck , snap out of it !

Mouth watering , he flung himself to the toilet bowl , hurling out whatever's left of him. Wiping the corner of his lips , he bawled on the bathroom floor , not being able to handle his feelings anymore.

Taking a hold of his own head , he gripped it tightly , messing up his hair before he started hitting with his fists , gripping onto his locks.

You promised.

Pushing himself up , he went back to the sink and dunked his head in , lingering for a few minutes before pulling his head out , panting for air. The color black was seeping through his fingertips and he panicked , dipping his hands in the water to wash it off but it only turned the water into the same shade of dread.

He watched as the color slowly took over his body , creeping up on his arms and bursting through his eye , leaving black streaks on his face.

His vision was spinning and his head started to hurt from having too many thoughts and voices arguing back and forth.

Help. I need help. I want help.

Walking backwards till the back of his knee hit the bathtub , he sank to the floor and leaned onto the cold tiles looking at the mess he made on the floor.

I can't go on anymore.

At this point he was ready to pass out , head drooping down. He heard a door slamming and rushed footsteps but he couldn't give a damn about who it was anymore. He just wants to close his eyes and hopes that he doesn't wake up anymore.

"Hyung !"a disembodied voice shouted , the bathroom door flying open.

The male on the floor was covered with scratches , his lip seeping blood from biting it too much , nails bloody and hair all messed up , some on the floor.

"I'm ready to rest," He mumbled as he was carried out and onto his bedroom,"Jungkook , stop coming for me." The elder male added on , holding onto the younger's face.

Jungkook took a sharp inhale,"I can't let you do that , Seokjin-hyung. I promised Jimin to— to take care of you."He replied , his voice starting to get shaky.

"I miss Jimin-ah. I'm ready to be written in the stars along with him— at the hill." Seokjin whispered , his hand falling from the Jungkook's face.

-

"Angel , did you know that those stars in the sky are small fragments of souls ?" Jimin said as he ran his hand through his lover's hair , fixated on the starry sky above them.

Seokjin remained silent , his heart already starting to ache. He only nuzzled closer to Jimin as the breeze blew stronger , their picnic mat rustling.

"Someday both of us will be there , together , shining brightly,"he mumbled , kissing the top of Seokjin's head,"but promise me you'll try your hardest to keep going on without me."

Silent tears ran from the blonde's eyes , lips already starting to quiver,"d-don't — talk like that–"

"Promise me."

Seokjin whimpered , looking at his lover before pressing a kiss on his lips,"I promise."

"Then we'll meet at this very hill— our hill of stars."

-

[ a/n ];
Sorry if it's depressing and confusing , that's what I've been feeling throughout this whole week and I'm so close to doing idiotic things but I somehow still manage to snap out of it and remain alive.

I've stopped talking to my friends because it's draining to be the only person who tries to make things happen , writing is the only way I can express or vent my feelings but even then it's still not enough. I write diary entries , I have a separate blog just for me but none of it is ever enough to numb the feeling inside of me , it's like I have an endless supply of negativity.

I'm really tired and I just want to let go and be written in the stars.