One Last Time

Kabanata XXXIX: WHAT HEART TRULY FELT

What Heart Truly Felt.
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I SWUNG OPEN THE DOOR, and my jaw dropped and tightened at the sight of a very familiar face before me-my mother, standing in the doorway with a serious expression. Anong ginagawa niya rito?! Akala ko ba, nasa medical mission siya?

Bumuka ang bibig ko, pero bago pa ako makapagsalita, she slapped me so hard that my head turned to the side and my left cheek went numb. Sa lakas ng sampal niya, pakiramdam ko naalog ang utak ko at tuluyan akong ginising!

I instinctively held my stinging cheek, and with the glare of a furious cub, hinarap ko siya!

After months, this is how she greets me?!

I was about to lash out at Mom when I noticed tears welling in the corners of her eyes as she looked at me. Ito ang unang pagkakataon na nagpakita siya ng luha sa'kin.

"It's been almost a year, Keira! Halos isang taon kang hindi nagparamdam sa'kin!" Nanginig ang mataas at mariing boses niya.

Meanwhile, shocked and confused and not knowing what to say to her, I just pressed my lips together.

I was still trying to process everything when Mom suddenly buried her face in my shoulder! Shortly after, I heard her heavy gasp.

"D-Do you have any idea how worried sick I was?" Her voice broke when she started sobbing against me. "You cut off all contact with me! Ilang buwan mo akong hindi pinatulog nang maayos, lalo na nang malaman ko ang nangyari sa'yo! You made me worry so much! Do you know that, Keira?!" With her tears soaking my shoulder, Mom's strained and trembling voice rose as she vented her frustrations and anxiety at what I did.

"M-Ma..." was all I could manage in response. This meeting completely took aback me. Hindi ko inexpect ang pag-uwi niya, lalo na ang pag-iyak niya sa harapan ko. If it weren't for her scent, I'd seriously question if she was really my mother!

With that in mind, hinawakan ko ang isang braso ni Mom na nakapulupot sa leeg ko at sinubukan siyang ilayo sa'kin dahil medyo nasasakal na ako sa pagyakap niya. But Mom refused to let me go. Mas humigpit pa ang pagkakayakap niya sa'kin!

"You're such a cold-hearted daughter. I know I've said many things in the past that hurt you, but completely shutting me out... that's too much, Keira. Ganun na ba kalaki ang galit mo at nagawa mo akong talikuran at tiisin?" May panunumbat na sabi ni Mom habang patuloy ang pagbuhos ng kanyang mga luha.

Hindi ko namang maiwasang mapatiim-bagang sa narinig. Kung makapagsalita siya, parang hindi niya ginawa 'yon sa'kin, like she didn't hurt me when she put others before me. Hindi niya alam na mas nasaktan ako sa desisyon niyang 'yon kaysa sa ginawang pagtatakwil sa'kin ni Dad. That choice really hurt me and I had no choice but to accept it, and I eventually did. Ang sama ng loob na una kong naramdaman sa hindi niya pag-uwi turned into bitterness over time. And even though I can tell others that I have overcome the resentment, that bitterness still remains in me. I don't hold a grudge against Mom anymore, but I'm still bitter about what happened.

With that feeling, gamit ang lahat ng lakas ng isang kamay ko, pinilit kong maihiwalay mula sa'kin si Mom na unti-unti nang tumigil sa pag-iyak. Nang tuluyan siyang mailayo sa'kin, tumambad sa'kin ang sakit na bumadha sa mukha niyang basa ng kanyang luha. Ipinagsawalang-bahala ko 'yon at kaswal lang siyang tiningnan.

"Andrei told me you sent him here because you're still on a medical mission? Why are you suddenly here? What about your work?" kaswal kong tanong.

Sumisigok na pinunasan ni Mom ang basang mga mata gamit ang likod ng kanyang mga kamay bago matiim na tumingin sa'kin. "Hindi ko na matiis na kita makita kaya pinilit kong umuwi dito. The board members have no idea that I'm here. I just slipped away," she explained in a hoarse voice.