Our Sweetest Mistakes

Chapter 18

I couldn't get any sleep last night.

How could I sleep when today is the day I have to make my decision in what I'm going to do about my parents? Who I'm going to choose and kick the other out of my life.

Today is the day I dreaded most. My birthday.
*.*.*.*.*.

I slowly walked down the stairs to see my mom in the kitchen making breakfast.

"Hey mom." I said quietly but loud enough for her to hear and turn around and look at me with a growing smile.

"Hey sweetie. I was just making breakfast for you. Pancakes, your favorite... at least they use to be I think." She grimaced and stared at the cooking batter in the pan.

"Oh no, they are." I assured her with a small smile.

"Oh well good then... Oh before I forget, I got you something." She handed me a wrapped gift but I could easily tell it was a book from the feel of the texture.

"Oh thanks." I gave a big grin and I unwrapped it and in my hands laid not just a book but a well organized scrapbook.

"I know I wasn't the best mother for you as you grew up, but I still and always had loved you with all my heart. Even if I didn't show it a lot. Since I was never there for you I wanted to still have good memories of you, so as you grew up I took photos and put them in here. I want you to have it." My mom smiled.

The only thing I could respond to her with was a question.

   "Why?"

   "Why what?" She rubbed at her wrists, something I also tended to do when I was nervous.

  "Why now? You never gave me much notice until now. So why?" I took a small step forward.

   "I didn't and still don't understand the first thing about parenting. All I knew then was I got dumped and needed a rebound... I didn't expect to get pregnant from it. To make matters worst your father never paid child support and I took all my anger out on you that had been built up from your father and myself. I know now that there is nothing I can say to fix my mistakes but just know your not one of them. I have and always will love you." My mother looked me in the eye and I knew she was telling the truth.

   Without thinking I set down the gift and came over, giving her a hug in which she returned.

"I forgive you." I said and honestly I really did.

Maybe it was the heat of the moment, maybe it wasn't. All I knew was that this might be the last day that I truly ever see her again and I don't want to live the rest of my life thinking how I left things.

"Anyway you should hurry up and eat your breakfast. You need to leave soon for school." My mom pulled away awkwardly, giving me one last look before leaving the kitchen.

As I ate my breakfast I looked through the scrapbook in which brought me to tears.

Looking back on how happy I was and all the good memories I had before my life flipped upside down can really mess with your emotions.

The first picture that I couldn't stop looking at was the day I was born. My mom at the age of 19 with a huge smile looking down on me as I layed in her arms in the hospital.

January 22, 1999 The best day of my life. When my ray of sunshine was born.

Was written right under the photo.

I couldn't leave her. I won't leave her.

Once I finished eating, I grabbed my car keys and drove to school. The first thing I got to school I was attacked by my two best friends.