"Hyung, I think Namjoon broke."
I release a groan. I mutter, "Not again." I drop my book. After I pull back the blanket that lies on me, I stand and walk across my room. I step out into the hallway, passing Taehyung, and spot my boyfriend.
On the floor.
Sullen.
He lies flat, positioned in front of the dorm bathroom. He stares at the ceiling with a straight face, his hands folded calmly over his stomach.
I sigh. "Namjoon, baby, are you alright?"
No response.
"He's in too deep, hyung." The dongsaeng pats my shoulder, giving a hopeful smile. "Good luck! I'm going to play with Jungkookie." He hops over the man laying on the floor and leaves my line of sight.
I focus on my boyfriend. "Honey, please snap out of it."
Still nothing.
Releasing another sigh, I drop to my knees and begin crawling over to him. I sit right next to his head, tap his forehead twice with my index finger, and he raises his head. I move forward so that his head rests on my leg. I run my fingers through his soft hair. "Alright. What is it this time?"
"No one needs to take a bullet for someone else."
"Please elaborate. I never know what you're talking about."
He explains, "In my book, the guy jumped in front of the girl so that she wouldn't be hit by a bullet. Then I realized that he didn't have to."
"And why is that?" I question, using a sarcastic tone. It resembles the way of a toddler learning something new at school and as his mother plays along to amuse him.
"If there's enough time for the guy to jump in front of the girl, then there's enough time for her to move out of the way."
Another sigh. "That does make sense."
For the first time, he blinks. He tilts his chin up to look at me. "She...she could have moved-"
"Shh." I massage his temples. "Okay, okay. Yes, she could have. But isn't it more romantic that way? Knowing that he sacrificed his life for hers?"
He goes back into his dead stare at the ceiling. "Cough."
"Namjoon, don't-"
"Rough. Through. Though." He takes a deep inhale. "They're spelled the same. Why don't they rhyme?"
There he goes again. When he experiences his existential crises, it's extremely difficult to get him out of them. He often goes through many different things that blow his mind, and, though it can last a while, he always comes back to reality. To this day I still can't find a way to bring him out of it. All I can do is wait for his episode to end.
"Namjoon-"
"Why do they not rhyme, but pony and bologna do?"
"I don't know. How about we go get some food?"
"The brain named itself."
"How about pizza?And we could watch a movie."
"What would it look like if a room had nothing in it and the walls, floor, and ceiling were mirrors? What would it look like?"
"The maknaes might want to go shopping. You need some fresh air."
"Technically two people could be born at the same time, but because of time zones have different birthdays."
"God, Namjoon, now you're making me question MY existence!"
He stopped talking for a moment, and a little part of me thought-no, prayed, actually-that it was over. "Why are we here?"
"Here?"
"Alive. What's our purpose? To just repopulate the world and make sure our species survives?" He pouts cutely. "Is that all?"
"Of course not."
"Why do you love me?"
I lean away, taken back by the sudden question. "How can you ask me that?"
"I want to know."
"I've already told you."
"No, you told me that you did love me, not why. There's a difference."
I exhale. There's countless reasons, but not one answer to combine it all. What should I say? "I love you because you're you."
He meets my gaze, looking up at me with curious eyes, clearing wanting and waiting for me to say more.
I twirl a strand of his hair a few times, preparing myself to speak. "You aren't afraid to be yourself. You say whatever is on your mind, and, though it may sometimes be annoying, it's an amazing quality. You're kind, caring, strong. I could say millions of compliments, Joonie, but the best way I can put it is that you are you. You aren't fake in anyway." I lean down and kiss his forehead. "You're real."
His vacant expression with his unblinking eyes makes me uneasy. He stays completely still for a solid minute before reaching up and grabbing my face with both hands. Then, he brings me down to connect our lips.
He catches my bottom lip in between his, drawing a soft moan from my throat. He draws back and smiles at me. "Thank you, Jin."
"Anything for you."
He releases me and stares back at the ceiling, only this time he has a slight smirk. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
"Crash and burn," I respond as I thump his forehead.
He just laughs. "Can't argue." He suddenly flips onto his stomach, supporting his weight on his elbows. He stares up at me, smiling, showing off his famous dimples. "You're so beautiful, hyung."
"I know," I say in an obvious tone. "And you're a dork."
He holds up a finger. "Ah, but I'm your dork."
"Can't argue." I kiss him again. "So, how about that pizza?" I start to stand, but he grabs my wrist before I can do so.
He pulls me back down. I sit, and he turns over to rest the back of his head on my thigh. "Just one more?"
I sigh. Again. "Just one."
"What if everything we see right now is just a hallucination caused by oxygen?"
Okay, that one freaked me out. Without thinking of the consequences, I say, "Wait. If that's the case, is that why we black out when we stop breathing?"
His eyes flew wide open and he stared up at me, his jaw slack.
Shit.
