Detachable

~ Chapter 16 ~

Craig's POV,

Is this really happening? Am I really driving to my best friend's funeral? Is this a nightmare or real life? Why am I driving so fast but so slow? Why is the sun shining today so much? This is not a happy day, sun go away. How could this be true? How could this happen to me? Is it really right now and right here? No one prepared me for this day or warned me so why should this even happen? I don't even want to drive to my destination, because the destination is something I want to be as far away as possible. This is not fear nor should it be happening. I want a retry. I promise I will do better at my second try, just let me have it. Please. I cannot take this damage; my heart is not that strong. I already see myself just crying there, my eyes letting out thousands and thousands of tear drops, millions of sighs and breathing difficulties. How much pity I will get for having this trauma in my life and how many times I will hear: ,,Sorry for your lost''. Don't be sorry, I am not asking you to be nor I want you to be sorry.

Two minutes away from the funeral home. I am driving very calmly and safely. I don't want to do anything regretful. I didn't dare to turn on the music, because the cd is in there and it will make me cry. I just couldn't even make myself turn it on how much I am sad at the moment and in despair. How do people live with this stuck in their mind? How do they stay normal knowing they lost someone so dear to them? How do they carry on, looking like it doesn't affect them? If everyone is so good at acting how am I not? My head currently feels like a grenade just going to explode any second now and just leave such a mess behind. Am I going insane? Am I crazy? What can make me stop thinking about this after a month or two? What will make me?

I slowed down when I noticed I was coming close to the funeral house. As I turned off my engine, I realized how alone I am at the moment and there is no one besides me. It is the worst feeling in the world and I shiver at it. I hoped out of my car as fast as possible. Luckily I was on time when I walked to the grave yard. The others came really early. I apologized for my tardiness and looked around and sucked in the mood. Henry came with his sister Alice, Dylan was alone also, making me feel a little better and the mother was with some guy. We walked to John's grave in silence. My heart was beating faster with every step I was taking. Seeing so many grave stones really makes you go pale and your lips close shut. We finally came. There it is his grave stone, with a bench right across it. We all started to pay our respect to him and the tears just came without need of a single thought. I didn't care about anyone seeing me or judging me, I am broken people. I am staring at the ground under which is my best friend. He is my best friend also known as the person who without a second thought helped others, even if he didn't know them.

Hi John, I really don't know what to say. The only sentence repeating in my head is: ,,I am sorry''. It is the only thing that is worth saying to you. I want to say sorry instead of everyone else, for such pain and sadness in your life. My promise to you, that I will make sure to keep, is that I will make this planet much better and be the person you predicted I will be.

Tears never stop falling. Even Henry started to sob like a baby, which is a rare scene. Seeing him crash like that, made me lose my mind and cry even more, even though a second ago, it didn't seem possible.

I can't stand this; I won't move on, I don't want to! Please don't let this be real! Please don't leave like this! We are not this strong, you didn't prepare us, and we won't survive! It seems so idiotic crying because of you, but I am still here crying my eyes off. What will it take for you to comeback, what does a normal person like me have to do just to get you back? I want to just leave and never come back. I want something to hit me and make me forget everything. Life after this won't be the same and I just don't want this! Why?! Why you out of all the people in the world?! I don't have that many friends and the one I had just had to go like this! So unfair! Please come back!