my babygirl → jack gilinsky

chapter forty two ♡

lillian ♡

"i'm sorry" he whispered looking away from my gaze.

"no, i shouldn't have brought it up, i'm sorry, i'm just, i'm hurt" i said.

"i know" he sighed and started his car.

"i'll drive you to your appointment" he said and drove me there.

he waited in the waiting room as the doctor looked at my back, my leg and arms which were all still hurting a little.

"okay so, the back brace is doing okay but if the pain keeps coming, it could mean, it's not helping and we might have to put you under a surgery to move the bones back in place because they are still not right and it's causing you pain, i'll see you next week about that, everything else seems fine though." he said.

"okay thank you" i said.

"anytime, see you next week, lillian." he smiled lightly.

"see you" i said and walked out.

"everything normal?" jack asked me.

"yeah" i said even though not really.

the thought of surgery, scares me, it gives me anxiety thinking about it, thinking about some strangers opening my skin and touching inside my body.

oh god, lily stop thinking about it, everything will be fine, you might not even need the surgery, your back might heal by next week, maybe it'll get better and not worse.

oh who am i kidding? all my backs done since the accident is get worse.

we were in the car.

"am i bringing you back to your apartment?" he asked.

right, that.

i don't want to go back there but my stuff is there so i need to at least get some clothes so i can stay somewhere else.

"yeah but don't leave because i'm just grabbing clothes and i'll get a hotel or something" i said.

"you don't have to stay at a hotel, you could just stay at me and johnson's, we have a extra room" he said.

"i appreciate that, i really do, but i think i want to be alone for awhile" i said.

"i understand" he said and drove back to the complex.

he parked, i got out and told him i'd be right back, i walked inside the lobby.

i presses the floor number when i got in the elevator and it brought me up to ou-his floor.

his floor.

i walked down the hall, soon reaching ou-his, lily his door.

should i just walk in or knock? no, i don't need to knock, my stuff is here, i technically still live here.

i got my key from out my pocket and unlocks the door because it was locked and i walked inside.

i didn't see sammy though. i closed the door and walked in further, now seeing him in the laundry room.

he looked and saw me, he rushed over.

"you're okay?" he said.

"i just came back for some clothes" i mumbled.

his smile faded. "please don't leave, we can work this out, please? don't leave me" he begged.

"you cheated on me" i stated.

"i know, but i'm so sorry." he said.

"no, you're not." i said and walked in "our" room and grabbed some clothes, shoving them into a bag, then grabbing my makeup and curling, and straightening iron, putting them too. i grabbed my toothbrush and toothpaste as well.

i walked out the room, sammy following me.

"don't break up with me, we can figure this out, lily" sammy said.

"were you not here when i clearly broke up with you this morning?" i asked.

"lily, i did something stupid, okay i get that but don't go, i know you think i'm lying but i really do love you, i'm just not good with relationships. we can figure this out, just don't go" he said.

i stopped and faced him. "if you actually loved me, you wouldn't have done it" i said.

"it was stupid, please, i love you" he said as i was heading to the door again.

i opened the door and started walking down the hall.

god he's so stupid, thinking id fall for his stupid but i love you

he doesn't love anyone, he's not capable, he's only capable of hurting people.

i walked back out and got into jacks car.

"thanks for staying and thanks for driving me but i'm gonna drive myself to a hotel now but thanks for everything, i really appreciate it" i said.

he smiled at me. "anything for you. be safe lily and call if you need anything, i'm serious. call me." he said.

i know he thinks, i'm gonna be in some dark spot maybe, or that maybe i'll feel like i did when my mom died and maybe i'll try to hurt myself again but i'm not because i wasn't in love with sammy, i didn't love him.

but i did care, i'm hurting, but not that much.

i looked at him. "i'm not going to do anything, jack" i said to reassure him.

he sighed looking at me. "just call me" he said finally.

"okay" i nodded and got out his car, shutting the door.

i got into my car next, putting my clothes in the backseat and starting my car.

jack drove off.

and all i could think about was how he cared so much about me and if i'd do something like that again.

i've never met anyone that cares like he does. i adore it.

i drove myself to a hotel that was just down the street and got myself a room for a few days.

this was just for now. maybe i need to fly back to nebraska, i have my brother and dad there and i have a house there too.

i think that might be best for now.

once i got in my room, i booked myself a flight to omaha, tomorrow morning.