my babygirl → jack gilinsky

chapter fifty ♡

lillian ♡

i was laying on the couch half asleep still on this fine morning when the doorbell woke me up fully.

jack was taking a shower so i guess that means, i have to get up and answer the freaking door.

i stood up and walked to the door and opened it, surprised to see jacob pea.

i smiled, "hey, jake" i smiled.

we hung out a lot after jack left and before me and sammy started dating.

he was there for me and i really appreciated him and for the most part, i stayed in contact.

i hugged him, "hey" he said back.

i pulled away. "i heard you were back and it's valentine's day and we're not together or anything so don't get the wrong idea, i have a girl i like but i heard about you and sammy and thought this might make you feel better" he said handing over some really pretty flowers and chocolates along with my favorite brownies.

"aw, jacob. thank you so much." i smiled.

"yeah, i just want you to be happy" he said.

"thank you, seriously. i can't thank you enough" i said.

i hugged him again.

"well, i have to go, and hopefully not embarrass myself" he said nervously.

"you'll be just fine. good luck!" i exclaimed.

"thanks, lily." he said and then he left.

i closed the door. he was the sweetest.

"who was that?" jack was standing there.

in only a towel may i add. i tried not to look.

"just a friend." i shrugged.

"because friends get you flowers and chocolates on valentine's day, right?" he asked.

he seemed mad, i think he's jealous.

"calm down, jack. it's i feel sorry that you have such a sucky life gifts." i rolled my eyes.

of course that's not what i thought but it actually was.

that's how it felt.

his face softened as i placed the flowers and chocolate on the kitchen counter.

"your life isn't sucky." he said placing his hands on my hips.

"i'm sorry" i whispered.

"for what?" he asked me.

"almost dying.. again." i sighed and pulled away from him and walked upstairs.

"lily" he called but i ignored him.

i don't like valentine's day.

i took a shower and as i was in there, the only things that came to mind were ways that you can die but why?

i didn't want to think about that, i wanted to think of happy things, not of how to die.

god, what's wrong with me?

after i showered and got dressed, i walked back downstairs and jack was fully dressed now.

"can we please talk?" he asked.

"don't you have to like go back to your house in california or something?" i asked trying to avoid talking.

things have been okay since that night in the bathroom but not back to normal and it's been kind of weird, i guess.

just, i think we need to talk about some things but i don't want to now.

not yet. it's, i can't now.

we've had some exciting nights for sure but i'm not ready to talk.

i want to take it all slow.

"i wanted to stay here with you" he mumbled.

"are you scared i'm going to be depressed and try to drown myself?" i asked.

i know, i was being so terrible right now but i don't know, i just hate today.

he looked at me. "lily" he said.

"i'm sorry but i just don't, i know you feel sorry for and i don't want you being with me just so i'll be happy" i sighed.

"what? what are you talking about?" he asked.

"never mind" i mumbled.

"you think i'm only with you to make sure you're not depressed or something? because that's so crazy and not true." he said.

"well i know that's why sammy was so.." i said.

"i'm not him, and you know that"

"let's talk" i said softly, and he nodded scooting over so i could sit.

i guess i wasn't avoiding it anymore.

i sat down.

"you have to go back, but know if you do, i'm not starting something." i said.

"i want to be with you." he said.

"i can't when you're in california, but you have to go back. you have a career" i said.

"why can't you come with me?" he asked.

"because it's not my home." i said.

"can we not make decisions now?" he asked.

"jack." i stated. "then let me stay, with you"

"what about your music?" i asked.

"i can record it here" he said.

"jack, i don't know, i mean you moved there for your music" i said.

"just.. just say yes, please" he begged

"don't make me regret this" i said.

"you won't" be smiled.