Long ass chapter ahead. :>
Jiyeom's POV
When I was a pure soul back then, my dream is just to be happy with him. Being with him is more than enough with me because he's literally my universe, my everything. It may sound cheesy but yeah, I do love him so damn much that I am willing to be stupid enough for him.
He's none other than Zhang Yixing..
Back then, before he became a trainee, before he's even famous, before the name 'Lay' was created, we used to be in a healthy relationship, and so I thought it was..
I love him so much, so damn much that I am willing to give him everything, even my dignity and virginity. That's how much I love Yixing.
Before, I don't want to get involve at any relationship at all because I'm afraid. I'm afraid to feel the pain, scared to try and take a risk. Hell I don't even know what does it feel to be in love because I never have been when I was not-so young.
But the feelings I have for yixing back then, I don't know how I was so sure that what I felt for him is Love but I chose to trust my heart. I chose to trust him and be loyal to him and only him.
I believe that Yixing will love me as much as I love him and it's true, He did love me as much as I love him. But I didn't even notice that that is problem.
I learned from our relationship that if you love someone, make sure to make him love you more than you love him.
If you know that you love a guy so damn much, you have to make sure that the guy loves you more. You have to make sure that everything is fine, that he'll accept you, love you and stay with you no matter what happens.
Because sometimes, it's better to leave someone than to get left behind.
You have to make sure that you are the person who will leave because getting left behind hurts so fucking bad.
I know, and I am sure that Yixing loves me back.. but not to the point that he'll stay.
He left me when something happened. I thought he'll stay, and accept everything and my mistake is believing so much to him, to his love for me..
He left and chose to forget about me like nothing happened to us at all. He chose to abandoned me like he's toy.
And that's when everything hit me like an accelerating truck.
Men don't take anything seriously. And I proved that it's true by being successful and gorgeous in the eyes of people around me. After what happened to my first serious (at least for me) relationship, I chose to play around with different guys. Guys that can't resist me, and I gain more proofs that men don't take anything seriously. A lot of men played with me behind their girlfriend's back, behind their career's back, behind their image's back, behind their Fans' back.
It was a sad truth and not everyone knows about it.
But then Jongin appeared. I like him, Everything about him, but I didn't think I would be this obsessed with him. It was an unexpected feeling I guess, I'm not really planning to take him seriously and to be honest I just want to be selfish and make that hot idol guy mine and only mine. But I guess fate has different plans on me.
A feeling of being in love strikes me again. But this time to another person and it was Kim Jongin.
I'll be honest I don't really want to feel my heart is beating fast just because of a guy again. I- I guess I'm traumatize already by what Yixing did to me because what he did is world wrecking, he broke my whole personality, he broke the whole me.
