Speak Up // Lams

Chapter 27

• Alex's POV •

I must've actually fallen asleep while I was faking, and soon enough I woke up to see John sitting across the room in a chair. I told him I thought New York was a good idea.

I don't know why I said it. I guess I just went with it because I knew that one way or another John was going to make me get help. That doesn't mean I want it, but still...

"What?" He asked after I signed my request to go to NYC.

I mean, if it's better there and I need help anyways, why not go? I don't know if I'll like it but a change in scenery could be nice I suppose. I signed back. It felt like someone was taking over my body and making decisions for me. Before all this, I would never just pick up and go to New York for four months. But people change I guess, huh? Maybe it's because of John.

"You know... that's a good point. But are you 100% sure? New York is big and I know you don't exactly love big places." John replied after a moment, looking deep in thought.

As long as I have you, I think I can make it through. I signed with a small smile.

"You are so cheesy, oh my god. I love you." John laughed, walking over to the bed and sitting at the end. I waved my hand and pointed at him as if to say that he was the cheesy one. It's true, he's constantly waking me up with overused pick up lines and love puns. I'd never say it to his face, but I love it. I find it absolutely precious.

He leaned forward and kissed my nose gently, causing me to smile. A doctor came in a few minutes later to give us some information about everything that was going on. John told him about New York.

"Now, usually we won't move a patient that far but both of you seem to be fine with it... and Mr Laurens, you're 18, so it would be fine, I suppose. Alexander, how do you feel about all this? Will it be too much for you or are you intrigued by New York?" The doctor asked after John explained everything. I shrugged and signed to John, so he could translate for the doctor.

I think I can do it. It's worth a shot, isn't it?

The doctor nodded in response once John relayed this to him and gave us a few papers before heading out.

"Oh! And Mr Hamilton, you can go back to school as early as Tuesday if you like. We'll give you a call after your released once we get New York info." He says as he walks out the door. I nodded in thanks and he smiled at me before leaving, letting John and me sit together in silence.

It wasn't an uncomfortable silence. It wasn't filled with John's chatter or my quickfire rapid signing. Neither of us were shuffling around or messing with stuff. We just sat there, John's arms wrapped around me while we laid in the bed. It was nice. That is, until I felt my stomach growl despite the feeding tubes.

John looked up immediately, hearing the noise as well. Just before I was about to turn away and ignore it, he put his hand on my cheek gently.

"Alex, I bought snacks while I was out. I'll bring them over, ok?" He said, getting off the bed and grabbing a plastic bag from the chair he was sitting in before. I shook my head slightly but he didn't seem to notice.

He came back over and set the bag on the bed, opening it to reveal bottles of soda and lemonade, cookies, French fries, pretzels, goldfish crackers and a ton of other stuff, loaded with sugar and salt and calories and fat.

He picked up a bottle of lemonade and opened it, then handed it to me. I glanced at the nutritional information and saw how much sugar was in it. Too much, that's for sure.

And then he kept handing me things. Still-warm fries and a stack of Oreos and a paper bowl loaded with crackers and cheese and apples with caramel.

"Come on Alex, it's alright. I know you're hungry." He said, throwing a fry into his mouth.

I couldn't resist anymore. Similarly to the pancakes this morning, the smell and the feeling of eating called me so strongly that I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't have enough energy to fight this anymore. I'm going to regret this later but...

I took a small sip of the lemonade and started eating a few fries and a cookie. I didn't realize how I was absolutely devouring the snacks in front of me, eating them like a ravenous wolf. I heard John sniffling a few minutes into it and I looked up, slightly embarrassed that I was eating so much when I knew I shouldn't be eating. I stopped in my tracks when I realized he was crying.

I tilted my head to the side and have him a weird look as if to ask what was wrong. He shook his head and wiped his eyes with a small smile.

"I'm just... I'm so happy that you let yourself eat. I know you don't want to but it's so nice, you know? And it's an improvement. It shows that you'll get better. I'm so, so proud of you. Even if this doesn't last and you go back to before, which is inevitably going to happen someday, I'm so proud of you. I love you so much." He said, beaming at me. I blushed and looked down, ashamed that I had worried him before and because I knew it would happen again. Even now after eating half the food he gave me, I wanted to make myself throw it up. But I'm happy he's proud.

I love you too. I signed, kissing him softly. He pulled away after a few moments and pointed at the food with a smile.

"Let's get back to it, huh?" He said, throwing a goldfish cracker in the air, attempting to catch it in his mouth but failing badly.

I giggled a little bit and kissed him again, before picking up a few more fries and forcing myself to eat them.

a/n: i am so, so sorry for so many things, guys. I'm sorry for not updating, for disappearing for almost 10 days, for doing what alex is doing to himself, for almost taking my own life a few weeks ago as explained in the a/n before this chapter. Over the past few days things have not improved very much but hopefully by writing and forcing myself back into life they will. Thank you for the support and all the love and hope you guys constantly provide me. I'm so lucky to have all of you as my readers and friends. Thank you.