Speak Up // Lams

Chapter 15

• Alexanders POV •

I want to talk.

I'm so in love with John. And I want to tell him. The only problem is I can't.

Listen, I've been trying for the past few days to talk. Not actually saying anything to anyone, just trying to talk to myself in the mirror. I would force myself to shape words like I used to when I was little and still talked, and that worked.

I just couldn't get my vocal chords to work. I tried to force something out and it wouldn't go. I coughed, cleared my throat, drank water, and kept trying, but I literally couldn't make a single sound. Not a squeak or anything.

I'm beginning to get very discouraged about the whole thing. I want to talk. I really, really do but I can't.

And that failure has caught up to me. I broke down as John and I were sitting on the couch, watching some random Netflix TV show as usual. I had been mindlessly watching, not really paying attention, just thinking about why I couldn't seem to freaking talk. It hit me hard for some reason, and I broke down in tears.

I take that back. It wasn't tears, it was sobs. Soundless, shattering sobs that I'm sure confused the hell out of John since I just randomly started crying.

"Hey, hey, Alex! What's wrong babe, what's wrong?" He said, pulling me into his chest as I cried. My hands shook to hard to sign so I grabbed a pen and paper off the table and wrote it down after calming down a bit.

I want to talk to you and tell you that I love you and I care about you and I can't. I can form the words with my mouth but I can't make noise, I've been trying and it's not working.

I finished writing and gave the paper to John, and he looked at me sadly when he finished reading it. I shoved my face into his chest again, and he just rubbed my back as I cried more.

"You don't have to tell my that you love me. I know you do. You signing it to me is enough. If you really do want to talk, we can find someone to help you with that, ok?" He told me, and I nodded into his chest, holding up my hand without raising my head and signing I love you to him.

He kissed my forehead and muttered it back to me, cradling me close.

And from that moment forward I set a goal for myself: no matter how long it takes, learn to speak again. And tell John that I love him, with my voice.

a/n: a short trashy kinda chapter but I like angst soooo. Also surprises are uppppp!!