Tears Of An Angel

Chapter 30

Chapter 30: "There is no perfect. There will always be struggle. You just have to pick who you want to struggle with." -Before we go

The silence was deafening. We had been sitting on the couch for the past 15 minutes in silence, neither wanted to speak or maybe neither of us knew what to say. I glanced at him and noticed the dark circles under his eyes which could only mean he had sleepless nights, but he was still breathtakingly handsome. 

His eyes darted to me when I sighed and stood up. "Ikukuha kita ng juice."

I was about to go to the kitchen when he suddenly hugged me from behind which made my eyes widen. Hindi ako nakakilos sa ginawa niya. It was totally unexpected. 

"V-Vince.."

"Don't go," he said above whisper. "Just stay beside me."

"Pero k-kukuha lang naman ako ng juice."

"Just stay beside me," he muttered as he pulled me closer.

He buried his face in between my neck and shoulder, and breathed in. His actions were confusing me. The last time I went to bring him lunch, he was as cold as ice, and didn't wanna see me anymore. He was even with Lisette, and just the mere thought of them together hurt me.

"Why?" I asked above whisper, totally confused.

"You said you wouldn't leave me," sabi niya sa tono na para ba siyang nahihirapan. Mas humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin. "The day you left my office, I went to see you, but you were gone."

I swallowed. "Y-you went to s-see me? Why?"

He breathed out harshly. "I don't know. Maybe I couldn't stand the pain I saw in your eyes that day. You tore my heart into damn pieces when you suddenly left me. I promised myself that if I saw you again, I would make you feel twice the pain that you inflicted on me. I'm supposed to be mad at you. Hate you."

A lump formed in my throat, and my eyes started to water. God, the pain I felt in his words was so evident it was making me cry. God. If he only knew that my heart died when I left him. I blinked back the tears then slowly turned to face him. 

What I saw in his eyes brought tears to my eyes. Pain. Confusion. Love. I swallowed, took a deep breath, cupped his face, caressing it gently. My lips quivered as I tried to fight my tears from falling. It pained me so much to see him this way. I knew he was having an inner battle. 

"H-hate me if you must," I said, crying. "I deserve it for hurting you. Hate me."

Bumakas ang galit sa mukha niya at hinawakan ako sa magkabilang balikat. "Hate you? Is that what you want?" 

His teeth was clenching while his fingers were digging into my flesh but I didn't flinch nor show my pain. Kulang pa ito sa sakit na ibinigay ko sa kanya. 

"Answer me! Is that what you damn want!" he yelled, shaking me.

"No! No.." I shook my head, crying. "I don't want your hate, Vince. But I deserve it, so hate me. Be mad." I smiled despite the pain. "Ibuhos mo lahat ng galit at sakit mo sa akin. Hate me all you want, but after this, I want you to live happily."

"Damn you!" he spat. "How can I fucking live happily if you are my happiness!"

I remained standing, glued to the ground, didn't know what to do nor say. Nakatitig lang ako sa kanya habang para siyang nanghihina na napaupo at sinapo ang ulo. Patuloy lang sa pagtulo ang mga luha ko.

He looked at me with tears in his eyes. Wala na akong makitang galit sa mga mata niya. All I could see was love and pain. I wanted to run to him and wrap my arms around him. I wanted to comfort him and take away his pain. If only I could. 

"I wanted so much to hate you, but damn it, I can't," he said, tears brimming his eyes. "No matter what I do, I still find myself loving you."

My eyes widened. "M-mahal mo pa ako?"

He shut his eyes tightly as he nodded. "Every time I push you away, it hurts me."

I smiled despite the tears as I walked towards him. I knelt in front of him, wiped his tears, and cupped his face. "Mahal na mahal kita, Vince."

Muling namasa ang kanyang mga mata. "Then why did you leave me for another man?" he asked, full of pain. 

I shook my head. "I didn't leave you for another man, Vince. Hindi ko magagawa sa'yo yon. May rason kung bakit kita iniwan pero hindi ko pa masasabi sa'yo. But please believe me when I say that I love you."

Hinawakan niya ang pisngi ko at pinagmasdan ang mukha ko na para bang kinakabisa niya. I closed my eyes and leaned closer against his palm. He rested his forehead on mine. 

"You won't leave me again. You are not allowed to leave me again, do you understand?"

I nodded. Sa isang iglap ay yakap yakap na niya ako at hinahalikan. I almost wept when I felt his lips again. It was so overwhelming. Sinabayan ko ang galaw ng mga labi niya. He was kissing me harshly as if he wanted me to feel his pain, anger, and frustration, but I just let him until it turned passionate filled with love. 

I lost track of how long I had been sitting on his lap with his arms wrapped tightly around me and mine around his nape. Kahit siguro tumigil pa sa pag ikot ang mundo ay hindi ko mapapansin. 

"Pack your stuff," he said, breaking the silence.

Bahagya akong humiwalay para matingnan siya. "What?"

"Pack your stuff. You're moving in with me." His tone was commanding. 

Hindi ako agad nakakibo. Hindi dahil sa ayaw ko pero iniisip ko lang sina mama at papa. Kailangan ko munang magpaalam sa kanila. 

"You're moving in with me whether you like it or not," he said. His brows pulled together.

"It's not that I don't want to. Kailangan ko munang sabihin kina mama. They'd be worried about me if I just left our house without telling them."

"You can tell them later. But now, pack your stuff."

Tumango na lang ako at hindi na nakipag-argumento sa kanya. Ayokong pag-awayan pa namin ito. Kung ano ang gusto niya ay gagawin ko na lang. Gusto ko rin makabawi sa kanya. Tinulungan ako ni yaya Bebs na mag-empake.

"Sigurado ka na ba dito, 'nak?" 

Ngumiti ako at  tumango. "I love him, yaya Bebs. Gusto kong iparamdam sa kanya kung gaano ko siya kamahal. Gusto kong bumawi sa lahat ng sakit na naibigay ko sa kanya."

Bumuntong-hininga siya at tumango. "Sana ay maging masaya ka na, anak. Sa tagal ng panahon na namuhay ka sa lungkot at sakit. Ito na siguro ang kapalit ng lahat ng pinagdaanan mo."

Nakangiting yumakap ako sa kanya. "Lagi pa rin kitang pupuntahan, yaya Bebs."

"Alagaan mo ang sarili mo. Alam mo naman na.."

"Opo. I'll take care of myself. Kailangan ko pang bumawi kay Vince. I can't afford to get sick again."

Ihinatid pa kami ni yaya Bebs hanggang sa sasakyan ni Vince. Marami rin siyang ibinilin. Dinala niya ako sa kanyang penthouse, and I didn't if I'd feel disappointed because he didn't take me to his house. Iginiya niya ako sa master's bedroom. His bedroom was elegant and manly like him, but it felt cold. It felt like I didn't belong there.

"This is my room, and from now on, you'll be sleeping here," he said, pulling me in his arms, giving my neck butterfly kisses. It sent shivers down my spine, but in a good way.

Humarap ako sa kanya at ipinaikot ang mga braso sa batok niya. "I missed you, Vince. Life without you was no life at all."

Hindi siya kumibo. Mataman lang siyang nakatitig sa akin. Then he leaned down and kissed me passionately. I kissed him back with all the love I have for him. Alam ko na hindi pa maayos ang lahat sa pagitan namin but it didn't matter anymore. I was ready to face anything as long as I had him by my side.