Tears Of An Angel

Chapter 40

Chapter 40: "I wonder how biology can explain the physical pain you feel in your chest when all you want to do is be with someone."

It's been a week since I last saw and talked to him. I haven't heard from him since he made me leave. Malungkot akong tumanaw sa labas ng bintana. The view was breathtaking. Maybe if Vince were here and I didn't lose our baby, I would've appreciated it. 

Humawak ako sa tiyan ko. I'm so sorry, baby. If only I were healthy, I wouldn't.. I shut my eyes as the pain of losing my unborn baby gripped my heart. 

"Ate, you're sad again." Tipid lang akong ngumiti kay Missy. "You probably miss kuya a lot 'no? Don't worry, ate, we're going back after a week. You'll see him again. So, don't be sad na."

Tumango ako at hinaplos ang buhok niya. "Are you going out?" pag-iiba ko ng usapan. 

"Yep! I'm going to ride a horse! Would you like to try?"

"Sure."

Mabilis niya akong hinila palabas papunta sa kwadra ng mga kabayo. They have a lot of horses. Nilapitan ko ang isang black horse. It was the biggest and most beautiful. 

"That is the most expensive horse and it belongs to kuya Vince. It's a thoroughbred," Missy said. 

Inabot ko ito at hinawakan. "Can I ride him?"

Missy looked horrified. "Oh no, ate! Thunder is a very wild horse! Only kuya can ride him." 

Binigyan kami ng tig isang kabayo. But since both of us were no experts when it comes to riding a horse, two male helpers guided us. Kahit paano ay naibsan ang lungkot ko sa pamamasyal namin ni Missy. We had so much fun. 

After dinner, I took a shower. But I went downstairs again to get myself  a cup of hot chocolate. Saglit pa akong nakipag-kwentuhan sa matandang kasambahay. I was on my way back to my room when I heard mommy talking to Vince on the phone. The door was slightly ajar. It was never my habit to eavesdrop but the urge to do so, knowing that it was my husband on the other line, was so hard to resist. 

"Hijo, your wife misses you a lot. She always asks me about you. Why don't you give her a call?" She sighed as she listened to whatever Vince was saying. "Anak, it was hard on her, too. Mag-usap kayong dalawa."

I bit my lower lip. Pakiramdam ko ay nanghina ako sa narinig. I knew it; he was blaming me. Tama naman siya. If only I were healthy, I wouldn't lose our baby. 

I stopped trying to call Vince and asking mom about him. I decided to give him the time and space that he needed even if I was longing to see and hear his voice again. Tiniis ko ang mga gabi na pag-iyak ang karamay ko sa sakit ng pagkawala ng baby ko. 

Pagkababa ko ng hagdan ay ngumiti sa akin si mommy. "Oh here's Chela, hijo. I'll give the phone-" I shook my head sadly. Nauunawaang tumango siya sa akin. "Uhm hijo, nagmamadali na siyang niyaya ng kapatid mo."

Tumalikod ako at umalis kahit gustong-gusto ko siyang makausap. I walked around the hacienda, and after thinking so hard, I came up with a decision that brought me heaviness in my chest.

After dinner, we had tea in the lanai, and I thought it was the right time to tell them about my decision. They exchanged glances. It was mommy Consuelo, who was visibly bothered by my decision, expressed her confusion. 

"Naisip ko po kasi that this is what's best for us now; a time apart." Yumuko ako. "Maybe it would help us heal better." 

I swallowed the lump on my throat. Pinilit ko na ngumiti at hindi ipakita kung gaano ako kaapektado sa nangyayari sa amin.