Fate ~ Shawn Mendes

Chapter 40

It had been two weeks since Shawn and I had arrived in Jamaica. Every day we'd spent together and enjoyed each other's company as we tried different things, we'd gone on boat rides, climbed a mountain, relaxed on the beach and I got to listen to some of his new music off his third album.

I was in the kitchen, cup of coffee in my hand as I read some of the local news about home for the qualifying riders who would compete in the under 21s three day event. Three days of harsh competition, the first day dressage, the second cross country and the third was showjumping.
Jaguar and I had qualified along with three others members, none of whom I had ever met before but had heard they were amazing with their horses. Sounds like Canada would have a shot at winning next year.

I looked at the watch on my wrist that Shawn had surprised me with, quite randomly the other day, it was a marble background with gold hands and Roman numerals. I dread to think how much he had spent on it for me, partly because I know I could never get him anything nearly as expensive.

Shawn was out with Teddy, Andrew and Geoff working in the second building on his album and then they were planning on going for a walk. I opted out as I thought I could start making dinner for all of us, they all worked so hard that some days they would come in and immediately crash. The time was 4:30 and I decided to start cooking a roast dinner, all the guys favourite and requested ever since we got here.

I span round on the wooden stall I was sat on, closing the lid of my laptop as I did and jumped down slightly onto the floor. I skipped over to the counter where I had let the chicken defrost and allow my acrylic nails to find the end and start to peel of the plastic. As I ripped it off and threw it in the trash can I felt a wave of sickness take over my body. My stomach felt empty and I felt the disgusting feeling of sick forcing its way up my throat.
Running across the bottom floor of the house I sprinted to the bathroom and skidded to my knees in front of the toilet, hanging my head over the toilet I puked heavily and I could feel myself start to shake.
My arms rested on the seat of the toilet and my forehead leant on my forearm as I stopped being sick for a moment, exhaustion weighing down my body as I shut my eyes and sat tirelessly on the tiled floor.

"Baby, you know you've left the chicken on the-" Shawn's voice grew louder until I heard the door creak open and his presence right behind me. "Oh god."
Shawn came to my side and pulled my hair back out of my face, his other hand caressing my upper back.

"It must be something I ate last night." I muttered keeping my head against my hand and eyes closed. I recalled to last night when we all travelled down to a fancy restaurant and I ordered a dish I had never tried before. "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" Shawn's voice echoed the bathroom. "It's not your fault."

As he kept a grip on my hair I felt him reach over me to the toilet paper and the sound of some ripping off the roll.

"Here." Shawn said softly.

I opened my eyes and slowly raised my head, Shawn started to wipe my mouth and then threw it in the toilet. I watched as the tissue started to dissolve but saw no fragments of food visible.
Confused I sat up and closed the toilet lid before slumping down on top of it and resting my head in my hands.

"Hey, it's ok." Shawn reassured me.

I gave him a weak smile as I picked up my head and let my hair fall back over my shoulders.

"Could you pass me my bag?" I asked and lightly pointed to a black Calvin Klein wash bag on the granite counter.
Shawn stood up and grabbed it, before squatting in front of me and resting the bag on his knees.
I unzipped it as it balanced on him as I searched for my toothbrush and toothpaste. I felt Shawn's gaze on me as my hands fumbled with everything creating a mess in my normally organised toiletries. Unzipping another part of my bag some tampons came in between my fingers and I froze.
"What?" Shawn asked.
I sat up straight and Shawn stared down into the bag in confusion before back up at me with furrowed eyebrows.

"Clara?" Shawn's voice laced with confusion but also obliviousness.
"How long has it been since we got here?"
"Two weeks." Shawn answered.
"And how long since your birthday party?"
"Probably two and a half weeks." Shawn said skeptically. "Why?"

I stood up and moved in front of the sink, coming into view of my ruffled hair and extremely pale complexion. I ran the water and washed my hands before turning off the tap and placing my hands on the counter and looking disappointingly at myself.

"What's wrong, baby?" Shawn asked and his hands wrapped around my waist; his head resting on my shoulder as he looked at me in the mirror for an answer.

I shook my head and bit my tongue roughly. Moving out of Shawn's grip I moved to the door and shut it closed before looking at my whole body appearance in the mirror.

"Clara, what is it?" Shawn asked with a small glimmer of laughter in his words.

"I'm late." I said to myself in the mirror and then turned to face him. When his expression became even more confused I elaborated. "My periods late."

Shawn's face changed. "How late?" He asked.

"Over two weeks."

"No. There's no way." Shawn said laughing almost trying to convince himself. "We've always been careful, we've always used protection."

My eyes closed as I shook my head lightly at him.

"No." I said delicately. "No, we didn't."

"When didn't we?" Shawn said louder. "We had sex when we got here and we did, I remember because I couldn't find one at first and we were both sexually frustrated and-"
 
"Before that." I cut him off. "The night of your party. We didn't use anything." My voice started to fade out as my heart beated faster inside my chest. My body started to shake lightly again and I turned round back to the mirror on the door; slowly raising my white top I pulled down my shorts so they hung low on my hips.
I lay my hand on my stomach and turned to the side and then to the other, before facing the front.

"Holy fuck." Shawn whispered.

"I'm pregnant." My voice was like glass, as a single tear streamed down my face.