i literally just woke up five minutes ago, although, this time, it was earlier. it's 9:36 at the moment, and i can assume that you're able to fathom the hour i had risen lol.
___________________
______________________
DAY XIII - YOUR OPINION ABOUT YOUR BODY AND HOW COMFORTABLE YOU ARE WITH IT
______________________
_________________________
another taboo right here, but it's less of an ugly topic that last time, so i guess i'll be a little nicer on this one and actually give longer answers. although, if it were a year ago, i probably would have abandoned this day's requirement right then and there.
___________________
_______________________
√ first of all, my body build is not the same as you typical female species out there. it might have been as so during my younger years, but now, as i gathered up the courage to look at myself infront of the mirror (i never do because i seriously don't like seeing myself), i was able to come to the conclusion that my shoulders were of the same line as my hips. in other words, if i were to lose a little more extra baggage, i would master the art of being a reverse-trap.
kids have been calling me unattractive during my childhood, and now, i'm being labelled average-looking if i were to be female. but strangers often get me mistaken for male, and when i attend photoshoots wearing makeup as a male, they call me complimenting names, unlike when i'd be a girl. oftentimes when walking the streets, people call me "kuya" (filipino term for some kinda "bro", can be biological or just referring to others as a form of respect) as well. even if we say that it's just my face that looks manly or sone shit, they'd see the body first before the facial features, so we can pretty much assume that my build is much more onto the male side than the female. might be the result of carrying heavy shit all my life on my shoulders, but oh well.
also, my arms are big. most of it are flabs of fat, though. although, if i would probably take time to excercise and shit, i'd get them muscles. no, seriously. i observed that i gain weight easily, but lose it better than other people as well.
my legs are fucking thick (you know the hentai fanservice kind of legs? ikr), but i know i can tone it down if i work out lmao. it's just that hard to find time for that shit when you're a middle-class person in a third-world country.
my hands are ugly, as some of you might have seen on that hand reveal pic somewhere back in other chapters.
i can make my chest flat no problem simply with the help of bandages, so it's really convenient, unlike oppai creatures lol sorry.
all in all, what makes me this odd-figured is that my bones are large. despite all the fat in my body, my jawbone is prominent, my collarbones' depth never fail to surprise people if they see it or, in some cases, touch the fucking area (honestly, i was surprised too), my ribs are visible if i raise my arm, the bones below the stomach are literally protruding, so it's a bit of trouble for me when i sleep on my stomach (this problem includes my ribs as well, but i did find a way to adjust). you can see the round socket on my wrists, and those on my ankles are sticking out like what the fuck.
describing it, now i'm horrified of what i would look like as a skin-and-bones kind of human being.
if you ask me about how comfortable i am with it, i'd say... far from it. i rarely use my other clothes, other than those that literally look like potato sacks on me due to the extra large size. i tend to have my bangs long as fuck as well, so i can hide my face a little bit. i hate seeing my face, no joke. this is why i throw fits whenever someone captures a stolen picture of mine and just spreads it all over (which was the case that has been triggering me the most as i stayed around people), then proceeds to be stubborn about deleting it until i fucking threaten them (which, again, has been getting me a reputation of being scary even though i don't like to have that title anymore).
once i decided to atleast go excercise, but this thing you call my family has bern discouraging me, shaming me, and laughing at me for the fact that i'm trying to make myself better.
no joke. that's what always happens
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
anyways, all in all, i am not confident about this body that i have been trapped in, and that you'd rather see me crossdressing than being forced to dress up as a girl.
__________________
______________________
i didn't think i'd describe this much. but oh, well, it's about time i spread some information around to random humans or aliens online lmao. people i know irl can see it anyways (but probably would raise their eyebrows at me when i would describe myself like this to them because i am literally bundled up in loose clothes) so yeah.
___________________
T A G G I N G N O O N E B E C A U S E T H I S I S A L A T E R U S H E D P U B L I S H T H A N K S
YOU ARE READING
trashcan (literal trash)
Non-FictionYou will lose your faith in humanity if you read this. *grabs a Connie Springer* ((last few chapters were written in a not-so-good phase of mine, sooo...))
