fuck i just openly told someone that i want my aunt to fucking die.
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DAY XXIII - SOMETHING YOU MISS
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goddammit why does it have to be this triggering at the moment
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√ i miss the days i was clueless about problems. wait... when was it? i mean, ever since i was a fucking kid i've been overhearing conversations about financial problems and all that kinda shit. plus, the way we've been raised has always been giving the situation of our money away. and here i am, not trying to be useful in regards to saving. because what the fuck does that matter? some people who don't even deserve special treatment are demanding royalty service here. not gonna clarify on that one, but just be mindful that this is why i want my aunt to just die. i mean, she was a good person during the days she was away. she sent messages and stuff to her family but now that she's back and going? she's just a jobless motherfucker who doesn't even help pay for electricity and water bills, and yet she blames me for shit. she openly shows that she wants me to disappear just as much as i want to make her death a slow and tormenting one.
anyways, let's get to it and enough rant time.
i would probably say i miss the...
... fuck. what the hell is there to miss? i did a quick scan of shit i've been doing in my life and it's either me being tormented, or me tormenting people and leading them to want to jump off a fucking building, either out of sheer annoyance or out of the fact that i led them to think suicidal. i know, i was an asshole as a kid. no need to let that sink in ok. let's say my childhood was a little alright, but i can't say i miss it either. people would usually say, "i miss my childhood wherein i was still innocent about the things i always think about these days", but for me it's just... meh.
fuck my childhood, it wasn't that good. fuck my current life, i'd rather that i don't have one anymore. so basically, there's nothing i'd want to get back. my first "friend" was, looking back at it now, just as shitty as how she came up to be when it ended. my teachers were just proud of me and nice because i was in the ranks. because of numbers, and i absolutely hate that shitty mindset. my parents were the same, and so was my sister. literally nothing changed, nothing at all, if not taking a turn for the worst. i would say that i want the days wherein i would be sated by simple things, but the things i had labelled simple are actually very big things. so technically, it doesn't make any fucking sense at all.
i'll be cutting this short because i suddenly blanked out for some unkown fucking reason, and because of that, let's conclude this thing. in summary, i don't really have any shit to miss, other than the days wherein we didn't have to pay for the bills of two jobless adults who think the household belongs to them. it doesn't really make a financial difference for me (because yeah, i've never been given anything bigger than 2.5k php in bulk [and this was because my mother borrowed money from me one time and we agreed that she return it with a quarter more of the price] and i'm too scared to request money even if it's just 50 php), but i just don't like my aunt hanging around with that fucked-up attitude she's got right there. if she was nicer and actually helped with shit, i would be more than fucking welcome to fucking let her sleep on my bed.
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seems like i was triggered oops. and the worst part is that, a little while ago, i was scrolling through facebook and saw tagged pictures of THIS ONE PERSON I'VE FUCKING LIKED SINCE 4TH GRADE and i laughed when i saw it (i call that person "it" don't judge) captured in a silly moment despite the fact i told myself to just give my shit up on it. i swear, by the time i finish typing this, all my "feelings" towards it will begin to fall down the drain by my own will. there we go man. i just want to kick it down the stairs for making me like this and beat it to death with a fucking shoe.
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T a g g i n g 3 p p l
BECAUSE I FOUND NEW PEEPS YAAAY enjoy the challenge men
YOU ARE READING
trashcan (literal trash)
Non-FictionYou will lose your faith in humanity if you read this. *grabs a Connie Springer* ((last few chapters were written in a not-so-good phase of mine, sooo...))
