What Was Ours

1c. For tonight

"Do you like it?" I asked. He wasn't even paying attention to me. I smiled as I saw him amused. His mouth was slightly opened and he looked at the details around the room. He was pleasantly surprised by the suite we got for tonight.

I found myself staring at him. He looked cute like a child who discovered something new. I let him gawk and wonder about. I didn't want to ruin this moment. I knew, we only had tonight and he would have tonight to enjoy what he doesn't have.

I wanted him to have a wonderful time. I wanted him to have nice things. It wasn't just material things but I couldn't provide more than this material world tonight. I couldn't give any emotional or sentimental value.

I proceeded to order some champagne, some fruit—among other things we needed. We had just ate but it was good to have an appetizer. I wasn't sure if he would fall asleep afterwards or be hungry. I needed to be prepared because later the kitchen would be closed.

After it was delivered he stared at me. Just like that the trance was broken. He became aware of my presence and he stood in front of me. He was fidgeting again.

"It's just us two," I said. He only nodded. "Do you want some champagne?"

"Can I?" His words above a whisper. The shyness was cute but also was becoming too much. My conscious— would I be okay? The innocence would be tainted. He was a wonderful soul. There's nothing I want more than make him mine but he wouldn't remain mine. He would have to live with me as a one night stand.

Something I'm sure he didn't do at all or often. I could see due to his mannerisms, right now. The shyness made me believe that he wasn't someone who would occasionally have a one night stand. He seemed to be reserved for relationships. There was a possibility that he was a virgin. I hope not. I'd feel like the worst person if it turned out to be the latter.

I poured our glasses. I handed him one. I saw him sip some and then take a good drink. His indulgence of the champagne made me believe this was the best champagne I ever tasted.

"It's good," he said once he finished his glass.

"More?" He shook his head but hesitated. He showed me his glass ready to be filled. I poured more. He looked at the bed.

"Anxious?" He nodded. And drank his glass of champagne in one drink. I guess, he needed the courage like I did to proceed. I finished my glass too. I didn't need anymore.

I took him in my arms, kissed his nape. He shivered with the first one. He felt nice between my arms. I liked that he wasn't short— about the right height for me. Both of us facing the bed. I began to caress him.

"I won't hurt you. I want to make you feel good." I kissed the crook of his neck and shoulders. His skin was soft and had a scent which was hard to place. The scent was inviting and I couldn't help but bite. He whimpered. I wanted to do it again. Cannibalism wasn't my thing. His skin needed my marks.

I led him to the bed before I let myself lose control. I took off his shirt. The skin continued to be soft to the touch. I found myself wanting to discover it: every inch of him was just as soft. I threw him in bed. I tried to quickly take off my shirt. I was standing before him. I desired him. My eyes wanted to discover him. My hands wanted to explore. Was it possible to lose oneself to one so pure? There wasn't enough of me or him to go any faster.

I undid his pants. I needed to calm my curiosity. The patience was running low. I kissed wherever I could and let my cheek touch his skin. I dared to kiss his bulge. He made noises that sounded beautiful. Those noises were only mine to hear.

I kissed his abdomen, chest which were leading up to his lips. Those lips that were velvety soft and tasted of champagne. The traces of my kisses made a goosebump trail. I was anxious to get inside him. I let my cock rub against him. I was so tempted to push myself inside but his hard grip on my arms made me realize my mistake. I kissed him and pulled away to reach for the lube I placed on the nightstand.

"Sorry," I gasped. I was out of breath. I was shaking in anticipation. I put about half of the lube on my fingers which dripped the substance. I didn't need him to see my nerves. I needed to compose myself.

I could see him looking at me. I could tell that he was questioning my movements.

"Don't worry." I kissed him. I did what I was supposed to. I let my fingers grace his hole. I let one finger slide inside him.

He caught his breath. I looked at him. His eyes were closed shut as I went as deep as I could. There was no denying his beauty. Tears slipped out of his eyes, he didn't make a sound. There was no doubt in my mind I was his first.

We were both beginners. For I have never been with another man and he has been with no one but me. I would be gentle with him. I'd make the best out of this experience for him, for me.

"Mister Jeon," he called out to me. The voice was desperately needy; I knew I had to continue.

There wouldn't be any regret. This was something I had been waiting for my whole life. The feel of another man with me, against me. It wasn't any man, it was the sweet SeokJin.

I'm giving myself freely and without regret. Today, I wouldn't think about my wife, family, or secrets I had to keep. Today, a part of me was being liberated: a part I had to keep hidden. No one could scare me tonight. No one could tell me it was wrong. I wouldn't tell myself that. Because something that feels so right can't be wrong. Why had I waited this long? The time didn't matter because destiny had him in mind for me. He was mine. The angel was mine. I came to tempt him, taint him, corrupt him. I would cause his sweet destruction because he wasn't here to save me.

I have always been a sinner. I've known that my whole life. It was time to act upon those sinful daydreams and turn them into reality. He was mine to take. Only mine.

June 7, 2018