What Was Ours

4G. As a parent

"What have you decided?" Jimin asks while he moves around his kitchen. "You've let almost two months go by without giving him an answer." He reprimanded.

"He's been asking to spend time with Jisoo and I'm hesitant for many reasons. Yet, do I have the right to make such a decision on behalf of Jisoo?" I ask him. I decide to ignore the fact that I've been stalling.

I can't help but want to protect her and my happy little world where he's not part of our lives. Jisoo isn't really aware of the real reasons why we spend more time away from our new home. It's a place I'm not really comfortable and it's not just because of Mister Jeon but all that the home represents. The Choi home is not a place where we can be ourselves, it's a place where we have to be on our best behavior always.

"You can make the decision for her but it might not be the one she may choose for herself. She's still young and may not understand or comprehend everything but she's smart. She understands how she feels. You can try being honest with her and see if she's comfortable with Jeon. We can both talk to her, if you'd like. I just don't want to see you later on regret your decision."

I nod. "This conversation is something that Hyungie and I constantly come back to. We're both being selfish. Both of us don't want to lose her love and the stability we managed to obtain in our small but modern family. Jisoo doesn't need him, she's got us.

"Since the day she was born, it was us that took care of her, fed her, loved her, took her to the doctor, saw her first steps and so on. It's stupid to fear that she'll lose her love for me. Then I have other fears as well. I'm scared he'll hurt her emotionally. She won't understand why she can't freely and publicly be with him. I don't want her to suffer." I voice my fears to Jimin.

"You have your reasons to doubt that man but Jisoo has a right to know the man for who he truly is. Trust me— I don't like him being near you two either but you're stronger than you think and Jisoo too. Both of you overcame so much; especially you, you struggled to pull through for her and the rest of the family. We didn't have the best for her growing up but she managed to be happy with the love we gave her. We never let her feel like she missed out on anything. We did the best we could as parents. I know, we can't always protect her from everything but we can teach her how to overcome situations, people, and life. That's the way life is and you've got to decide if you keep protecting her from what you fear or let her face him. We might be surprised and figure out that the big bad wolf is nothing but a sheep in wolf's skin." His words are those of a mature parent and one with years of experience. He's grown more as a parent than I have and I'm thankful. There's something about Jimin that always makes me see I'm not as open minded as I thought I was. He too makes me a better person.

"You're right. It's just—I can't fight the sinking feeling in my gut," I sigh. It's time to surrender a fight that's mostly within myself.

"As a parent, I think, we tend to want to be very protective of our children and especially when we think we know better. He's been asking for a few months to have some contact with Jisoo privately. You can set conditions, if you want. You can be present or one of us to make sure he's taking care of her, to not bad mouth none of us, or crazy ideas into her head. You said you wanted to give him a chance but it was all talk. Let's set some terms that will make us all feel comfortable. We can discuss this and see what he thinks. If he really wants to see Jisoo, then he'll agree or make a suggestion on the terms of his visit. It's not going to be easy and like I said we won't like it but we're doing it for the right reasons."

"You're right. I guess, I just wanted to talk to you and hear you out. You're like my voice of reason. You're the one I can count on to be reasonable, when I can't be." Jimin gives me his gentle smile. He caresses my cheek and I feel like a kid being told he had done the right thing. It's good having this conversation with him, good to see him and know he's doing well. He turns off the stove and serves us his delicious stew.

"You just want to know you're not jumping without a cushion to fall on. Remember I'm here and you also have Hyungie to look after you. He may be your husband but I'm your family." He kisses my forehead. How simple would life be if I stayed with him in that small farm.

"I've got the best men in my life." I smile. "I love you." I kiss his hand before eating his delicious stew.

"I know, and I love you." Sometimes I wonder if he has truly moved on.

"You're pregnancy is coming along great. It seems like this pregnancy is better than you expected. You're growing and showing, so far nothing to be concerned about. I think, the next visit you get an ultrasound and you'll see everything is coming smoothly." I had filled her in on my medical records from the previous pregnancy. I had some concerns but so far my mind was calm hearing her words.

"Good! I just want this baby to be as healthy as he can be," I say.

"You're healthy and have been taking all the precautions. You're the patient every doctor wants. You follow instructions and take your medicines without skipping a day. You'll see come April you'll have a beautiful baby boy in your arms. I will leave all the notes for this visit with the nurse and you can book your next appointment with her." I nod and step out with the nurse who's reading the notes.

"Am I late?" Hyungie looks like he just ran here.

"Yeah, you just missed it. I just walked out of the office. I made the next appointment on a Saturday. You think you can make it?" I tease. I know he's trying hard to juggle his newly acquired position in the company and being with us.

"I think so." He chuckles. "I'm sorry. I don't like to be the guy with a million excuses but the conference ran behind and the distance didn't help either—traffic." He took my bag that carried my medications, paperwork and other things I needed for the appointment. "It's getting chilly out." He takes off his suit coat to place it on me.

"Thank you." I snuggle into it. It smells like his unforgettable cologne. We talk about what he missed, what should we have for dinner, and I bring up what Jimin and I discussed earlier before going to pick up Jisoo. It's something we have to do. I just hope that we can agree on it.

August 13, 2019
Quick question does anyone have a sad love song playlist or sad love song(s) recommendation? It's for another story I'm working on...I'm just a naturally angsty writer 😝