What Was Ours

4B. Easier said than done

My nerves weren't getting any better, the more time passed the more anxious I felt. I had to stop myself from fidgeting and remind myself to inhale deeply. There was no reason to feel anxious when I'm with the two people I love the most and I'm locked in a room with them. This was a good time to speak to Hyungie.

The moonlight that shined in the dark of the night provided some comfort. It was time to tell Hyungie the name of the man that was Jisoo's father. The very reason why we had to leave this place. We couldn't stay here with him being close. I couldn't ever feel comfortable or safe being near the man who caused me so much pain.

I had to keep my daughter and my loved ones safe. I turn to see my baby, she is still sleeping next to me. She's okay, nothing has happened to her. I hear Hyungie finish his shower. I had to tell him if I wanted to keep the sanctuary that I've built with them. That's all I wanted, to maintain the haven where Jisoo and I were safe. This place consisted of Jisoo, Hyungie, Jimin, my omma, my appa, and uncle Donghae. These are the people who supported me every way they could, they went above and beyond every step of the way. And not all of the life and love I built is being threatened.

"I think, we should make a doctor's appointment to see if you're okay. I don't want you to have another episode— I'm not sure how to call it." He got in bed next to me. He was sitting up probably ready to read a book on something he found interesting. I sat up hoping to have the conversation now. It was now or never and I'm determined to make my nerves settle. The wouldn't get the best of me.

"No, I'm okay. It's nothing I can't handle."

"Are you sure?" He asks worriedly. I shake my head because I'm not really okay. I take his hand in mine. "You're shaking your head no. What's happening? You never had that happen to you before."

"Physically, I'm okay. My health test this year came out great. It's just something that I need to tell you. Actually, there are two things and I'm not sure where to start."

"Let's start with the one you're more comfortable with telling me. We'll go from there." I can tell he's getting anxious seeing me struggle to find what to say. Yet, he tries to maintain calm which I know he does for me.

It's time to tell him the truth. I need to tell him about the two things on my mind right now. I exhale, knowing it's best to come out and say it. The weight of my truth was heavily on my shoulders. Hyungie has always been supportive and I've got nothing to fear. I grip his hand tightly to prepare myself for this.

"The first thing I want to tell you about is something we've been wanting for a while. I wanted to come out with it in a special way— tell you in a different and special way but it's important that I tell you now." These news could help me persuade him to leave this household. I could hopefully sway him to move. It's not like I plan to manipulate him into doing what I want. Yet, I can't help but feel like I'm taking advantage of him without having even said or done anything yet.

"I'm pregnant," I say. "The doctor said I'm not even a month in, just a few weeks. We're going to be fathers."

"Wait!" He screams and then covers his mouth, when he realizes it's late and people are sleeping. "Are you serious?" He whispers. There's happiness, confusion, and disbelief written on his face. It's an adorable reaction from the serious, intellectual, poetic man he is. It doesn't matter that he acts like a giddy child because it takes a weight off my shoulders.

He has to feel the source of our happiness. I decide to put his hand where our child should be growing, he giggles. My man giggled due to his state of happiness. I felt nothing more than happy and relieved.

I never doubted him, never imagined him upset about something we've been waiting on for some time. What had me anxious was what happened today. It felt like nothing would turn out alright. The event took away the confidence I had on my relationship with my husband and guess what I thought to knew. Hyungie was reminding me that the event didn't affect my whole life. That was nothing more than an isolated event.

He hugged me, kissed me, smothered me with affection and love. This happiness could be smothered when I say the next thing. I was debating whether to hold off or just come out and say it. I let him delve in the happiness of becoming a father. He was already a father, helping me make decisions or taking care of Jisoo. He was not one to complain and I never asked him to step up as a parental figure, he did that all by himself. I have a great husband beside me.

We talked for a while about what my care, the baby's care consisted of, and mostly I'd listen to Hyungie. He seemed to have a good idea of what pregnancy and child care consisted of. There weren't many corrections I had to make. Finally, something clicked, we weren't done.

"There was another thing. You want to tell me?" I was glad we were both in bed, hugging each other. His sharp, beautiful features were before me.

"It's about Jisoo's father." I bite my lip. I'm unprepared to say what's next. It's a small sentence with life changing results.

"Why are you bring it up? We agreed she's our daughter and no one else's. Wait, have you seen him?" He goes from passionate to concerned.

"Yes," I pause. I hear my heart beating in my ear. Can Hyungie hear it too?

"Where?" He puts his forehead in mundo to provide comfort but I'm intimidated. I'm scared that he can hear my heart beat uncontrollably fast.

"Here. He's here." I hug him tightly. I shut my eyes closed. "It's Mister Jeon Jungkook."

I don't hear anything, not even a breath. I open my eyes to seem him shocked. He needed to say something before my heart drops to the pit of my stomach. Right now my throat is tightening and threatening to suffocate me in tears.

"Say something," I cry out.

"I, I— it's my noona's husband? It's him?" He's incredulous and I don't blame him for it.

"It's him, he's the one I've been telling you about. He's Jisoo's father. I don't want him to take her." The very thought has me crying my heart out. I don't want to lose Jisoo. She's my baby! I'm the one who raised her and nurtured her. He wouldn't have done the same. She's mine.

"Shh, don't cry. I'm not going to let that happen. I'm going to make sure that you two don't have to worry about him. You're my family and I'll do whatever it takes." He hugs me tightly and I'm grasping into every piece of him. This feels like I'm broken again like when Mister Jeon told me he was married, when he told me my unborn Jisoo was unimportant. No, this feels worse because I can actually lose my baby girl.

I don't want to feel lost and alone again. I don't want to feel a void. I'm never going to recover if he takes what's precious to me. I can't, I won't lose this time. He's not going to cage me again. I'm a father who has grown up, matured; he won't ever manipulate me ever again. I can't let that happen again.

I'm no longer in his clutches.

April 6, 2019
Anyone know of any Jin x Soobin fics? I need this ship in my life.