What Was Ours

1e. Think about it

"Jungkook? I'm trusting you with this. Don't let me down." Mister Choi said before stepping out. He was always undermining my efforts. I never received a "thank you" or a "congratulations" last week for my successful efforts. Those which would reward our company greatly.

I had proven to be trustworthy when it came to my work ethic. Even though I hated this place my efforts were above and beyond of his expectations. He just never acknowledged it. The last two weeks had been busy with calls, lawyers, contracts, dinners, and other pointless things. This week wasn't any better— my schedule was still hectic but, at least, I was back home.

Coming back home reminded me about the young man I spent the night with. Maybe, I should try to see if he still works in that bar. I highly doubt that he changed his workplace. He was in need of money which I was willing to provide for him.

I should go see him. If I had time, I would go pay him a visit tonight. It's been over two weeks since I last saw him. My time away was going to play against me. He probably doesn't want to see me. He's probably thinking I abandoned him which is partially true. I found it hard to visit him after our night together. I'll admit it was mostly my fault.

My mind was trying to convince all of me to stop the affair before it became complex, twisted, and sordid. Another part of me was listing reasons of why it was okay to continue. The following days had been an inner struggle with my conscious. After my inner debate, I was determined to see him but I was sent away. Even though, I wished to let him know what was going on, I had no number to call and had no time to stop by his place.

Tonight I'll find out if he wants to see me again. I'm hopeful he won't run from me. I know my intentions aren't good but they're not bad. I was going to do him a favor and he'd do me one too.

~*~

I stepped in the bar already scanning the area for the boy. I couldn't see him but chose to sit in my usual table. This was one of his tables; so, I assured we would see each other.

Patience has never been a virtue of mine. I found myself tapping the table as I waited to be attended. My eyes continued to roam the area for any signs of the young male.

"Welcome! How may I help you?" His sweet voice was heard. I looked in front of me happy to see him. The excitement running through my veins. I immediately smiled at him. He was taking out a menu and his pad. When he looked up, he gulped. I could see his Adam's apple move. He wasn't expecting to see me or looked pleased either.

"The usual?" He whispered. He had lost all his confidence. He didn't dare smile at me.

"No, I'll have a bottle of the house beer and the check. I think, you get off soon."

"Okay," he said. He left without saying anything more. This wasn't the Jin I'd seen weeks ago.

He came with a cold bottle of the house beer in hand. He opened it in front of me before handing it to me. He was careful to not let his hands touch mine. He left the receipt on the table before walking off to make his last rounds.

I took out the money and paid more for the service than the beer itself. Jin came and picked it up without a word. When he came back he already had his jacket and my change which was unnecessary because he knew that I always left him the remainder.

He walked away without waiting for me. I followed behind him. I easily caught up to him by the entrance. He slowed his step seeing I would run after him. I had to regain his trust. A trust that would no doubt be broken again.

"Jinnie?" I tried getting his attention but he continued to ignore me. I held his arm irrupting into a halt. I made him face me but he refused to look at me.

"Look." I raised his head to look at me. "I know I've been missing and we didn't really talk about what would happen afterwards. I came here because I want to see you. What I'm saying is that I want more than one night with you. So, can we talk about this?" I sounded so sincere because it wasn't lie.

"You didn't come back. I thought you left for good." He pouted his lips. In his eyes there was hesitancy to believe my words. His body refused to betray him. He kept a good distance between us.

"I was busy with work. Let's go get something to eat and talk about it. We can go to the hotel and have some privacy to talk about it freely. Yeah?" I caressed his soft cheek.

"No, you could be lying to me. I don't want to be lied to. You probably just want one more night and leave me again. You had one night so leave me alone." He pulled away from me. He continued to walk towards his side of town.

"Jin? You have to think about it." I walked beside him trying to give him enough space but failing to do so. "We can continue our— whatever this is and we can both benefit from it. What I'm about to say may offend you but know that I don't think of you in a poor light."

He stopped to look at me hard. His face scrunched up. His facial features made me question what I was about to say because no matter how I word it, it's going to sound offensive. I should backtrack once again.

"Be my boyfriend. I'm planning to get an apartment in the city. It's near your school which would be nice for you. You don't have to work which means I'm the one who will be. I'm going to be honest, I won't be home often because of work. There will be nights when I won't come home," I paused. I inhaled before I continued my crazy idea. In movies and novels the the cheaters provide their lovers with such things. I was omitting the fact that I was married with kids. It was too soon to say, he had to first ingest my proposition.

"I know it would be moving to fast." I looked at people who stared at us. I took Jin to my car. I wasn't in a position to have people listen in to my personal affairs.

Jin let me lead him there. We got in the car. I drove towards the hotel hoping he would be distracted by our conversation.

"I want you to think about it. I'm much older than you and I have experience in what I do. Meaning that I'm well paid wherever I decide to work. I don't own a business but I'm well off."

"You're talking about money. I can see you have it. Your car can't be more than a few years old and it's well kept. The hotel was what some say 'exquisite' 'extravagant' but those aren't things that would persuade me. If you want a relationship know that I'm in it because of you not the money.

"I may be lacking many things but I'm not going to sell who I am for you or anybody. I've starved because I lacked money and it wasn't because I had no means to get it...I refuse to do something which compromises who I am. So, please, don't suggest such a relationship."

"I didn't mean it to sound aggressive. I'm in it for you. I just haven't dated anyone in so long. So, I'm trying to get you to accept me. I threw in the money because I just wanted to let you know you don't have to ever worry about it when you're with me. I didn't mean to offend you by any means. I don't ever want you to go hungry again. You're so skinny..." I voiced my worry. He was incredibly thin. It was unhealthy for anyone at any age.

"I'll take care of you. Just let me."

"I don't know. Something like this doesn't ever happen. It's too good to be true. How can someone so handsome and rich be into someone like me."

I didn't say anything. He needed to think. I'll let him think it through. It may take some time but he would come to me. After all, I'm all he has now. That boy was about to become my secret.

I had decided to live my life how I wanted. I would have my lover and my wife, two which can never meet.

June 13, 2018