What Was Ours

2G. Indiscretion

The trip was a short one but he did make time to spend with me. It was a nice place with a beach nearby. It was a bit too windy to go into the water. The waves looked beautiful but were dangerous. I saw hyung like those waves. Beautiful to look at but dangerous when you were too close. Dangerous enough to drown you. I hadn't drowned yet.

Upon our return, I had started my second year in college. Hoseok-ah had become someone close to me. A friend I could rely on. He knew my position with hyung. He had uncovered the truth because of his family's social position. Hoseok was the heir to a company associated with hyung's workplace. They attended some of the same events and it was inevitable for them to meet. Hoseok had come to me to warn me about hyung. He was shocked to learn I already knew Jungkook-hyung was married. Hoseok didn't judge me, he listened to my story. It was at that moment he became a close friend. I saw him as my only confidant.

From Hoseok I learned things about hyung's private life. As much as I wanted to not hear him, I was curious to learn. It was his mission to make me leave hyung. He had propositioned to take care of me like hyung did. He never implied having a sexual relationship but I didn't want to risk being put into that situation again. Our friendship hadn't been the same after his implications. Moving from hyung to Hoseok wouldn't make me any better. It would make me far worse.

Hyung did not like my friendship with Hoseok from the beginning. He disliked it more when he knew we were caught. Hoseok knew hyung had another life. Hyung feared he would speak to his family. Uncover the man he truly was. Hoseok didn't say anything to them. Hyung kept coming back to me. The uncertainty was there. I had spoken to Hoseok about it and that's when he made me his proposition. But with what he said to me—we withdrew apart. I wasn't going to be paid to be in another man's bed. Just because I was friendly towards him, it didn't mean I was interested. All I wanted was a friend. I really wanted to close this chapter in my life but that was a long time coming.

There was so much going on in my second year of college. I keep saying time goes by quickly but it's the truth or maybe I'm getting too old. Days turn into weeks and weeks into months. My hours were packed with school, projects, thesis, work (if I could spare time), and hyung. He took most of my time. Lately, he would try to come and pay me a few visits. He was under a lot of stress at work. He told me he wanted to move up the ladder and was working harder than ever to prove his worth. I didn't understand why he wanted to move higher. Hyung already got paid very well and he wanted more. He was too occupied on most days. Why would he want more responsibilities?

The answer was simple. He wanted to be able to afford keeping me. That's what he said. It's not like I was someone who spent a lot but the cost of living in this apartment was great. Plus, he has a family at home. I didn't care to go into details about his family. It was one thing hearing them from Hoseok but another from the man himself. They were a reminder of my wrong doing. It was in this particular night of this discussion that he revealed he was going to need a bigger home because he was going to be a father once again. I'm not sure why I was was shocked and disappointed.

Why was I shocked? He wasn't going to neglect his wife just because he was with me. He had his responsibilities as a husband and "family man". He wasn't going to ignore it—that wasn't going to happen and it hasn't. In the back of my mind, I had known it all along but I chose to ignore it. Refused to believe he had another life. I had tried so hard to believe that there wasn't anyone else and I had started to believe it. How stupid of me.

After he confessed, hyung refused to come. I was so sure he was avoiding me. Hyung had been brief when answering my messages. It's not like I asked him to come. All I was doing was briefing him on how I spent his money. He knew he messed up by talking about his home life. I was hurt by it but tried to make nothing of it. This couldn't continue but I needed to save more money. I had a bit over two thousand dollars. It wasn't much at all. Not enough to start again. I couldn't understand why it was so little with all the months I've tried saving it up.

I had managed to save all the money I earned at work. It wasn't much because there weren't many shifts open and I had been too busy with school. I was lucky if I worked three times a week but only for a few hours. Most of the money came from bank withdrawals. I couldn't withdraw too much money because hyung was aware of every swipe that card made. He knew when and where. I could get away taking out twenty to forty dollars by saying it was for coffee. I had taken him there, it local coffee shop which didn't accept credit cards. I couldn't justify withdrawing a hundred dollars because "there's no reason for you to carry that much when they accept credit and debit cards everywhere."

He got me there. So, I had become cautious of my banking habits. I bought a new wardrobe with his money. As much as I hated it, I needed it because he was right about my clothes being worn out. I tried not to feel guilty about using his money. He did give me permission to use it for clothes and other necessities. I couldn't use my own money. I had to play my part because hyung had to have a guilty-free conscious. It made him feel better to know he was taking care of me. I used his money with that excuse and that I needed my money to run away when the time came.

That week, hyung had sent me expensive gifts to make me forget his indiscretion. He didn't need to buy me anything. I had always known he had a family. I just looked the other way. It seems I whine too much about it or nag...there's no right word for this. I know our situation and yet I complain. Never did it aloud—not with him or anyone. My parents didn't know and they weren't going to. For hyung—he simply wasn't going to hear it. He was part of my problem. I just didn't know that our relationship would bring a much bigger problem. Problem is a harsh word for it. I was pregnant.

December 29, 2018
Happy birthday to Taehyung! 💜💜💜💜

This is possibly my last update this year for his story. Just one more chapter until the third part begins. That's what I'm thinking. Any questions please comment or message me. Happy New Years! I know it's early...haha