What Was Ours

2I. Go

Hyung had showed up twice to the apartment and both times he was too rushed to let me say a word. I let him take my body because I needed something to hold on to. I had to believe that there was something more than just a baby linking us together. After that, he went ghost again. I tried to call him, text him, and even emailed him to talk to me. I tried to tell him that the matter was urgent and important. It was the ignores messages that prepared me for the worst.

I continued to withdraw money from his account. Still not much to flash any warning signs. I had to be careful because I needed to make a run for it if I didn't have his support. I was going to keep this child. It would've been easier to withdraw a large sum of money, for him to call me or visit me. But I was prolonging this myself. I was scared of the outcome. Things were not in my favor.

One thing was and that was school. The school year was done; for which, I was thankful. I wasn't sure how I was going to do it next year. If there was a next year, was still a question. I'm sure I'd have my family's support with the baby but that didn't guarantee that I was going to come back to finish what I started. There was one thing that I needed to get straight and that's why I was standing in front of the building I should be avoiding.

With a heavy heart and sweaty hands I stepped inside the building. I waited with the people dressed in nice suits to go up. The elevator dinged awaiting our entrance. I looked as I stepped inside. It wasn't much different from any other elevator. Perhaps, the difference was the lighting and the much livelier shade of paint on its walls. The floor I wanted was already pressed. I inhaled and exhaled. There was no right preparation for this. There was no guidebook on how to handle this and what the outcome of this would be.

The elevator ride was long for me. I didn't care about the stops along the way, I only cared about the outcome once I stepped back in the elevator. Once I arrived I followed some employees to the busy area. I assumed that there I'd find his office and I wasn't wrong. I saw the plaque hanging outside his office. I looked around finding no one to ring me in. So, I tried my luck and went in. There he was busy looking at the screen before him. He was so concentrated that I assumed he didn't hear me come in.

"I told you I didn't want to be bothered," he seemed irritated. I lost the little confidence and pep I built on my way here.

"Hyung?" I exhaled.

He looked up at me. He was surprised to see me. We were silent for a few seconds before he opened his mouth to speak.

"I thought I told you not to look for me. I'm busy. So, let's make it quick."

I knew he was busy with his new responsibilities but that was no way to talk to me or anyone. I gulped down the tears that were already threatening to spill. I took out the envelope from my back pocket. It was now that I had to say my urgent matter. Except no words came out of my mouth and I became too afraid. I clutched the letter between my hands.

"Jin?" I vaguely heard my name being called. I needed to do this. I needed to stop living in fear of the outcome and just go with it.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know how to tell you. And I know you said not to come here or your house. I—it's just I'm never sure when you'll come see me." My voice was too shaky.

"You didn't pick up the phone." I was trying to justify myself. Trying not to get him angry. He probably will, he wasn't in the best mood to start off with.

"Fuck! Jin! I told you since the beginning that my priority was my family. You knew this wouldn't amount to anything. What do you want me to do?!" He raised his voice at me. This was what I expected but it still scared me. I was fearful of the words he could continue saying.