What Was Ours

3I. Summer Days

"The baby looks healthy, there's nothing to worry about. You should continue taking all your vitamins and taking care of your diet. Are you sure you don't want to know the sex of your child?" Doctor Bae asked before printing out some pictures and shutting of the machine. She smiled and went over the pictures handing them over to me. I held on to them tightly, I'm afraid to lose them.

My swollen belly was cleaned off of any residue. She gave me a few recommendations for this trimester of pregnancy and I listened attentively. It wasn't anything I couldn't handle. I left after making my next appointment.

I'm glad I was able to make this appointment, I had missed the one scheduled few days ago, this had been a rescheduled one. I almost couldn't make it. I'm glad I thought of him before having to call it off again. It was a last resort calling him but it was my only hope.

"Thank you for bringing me," I said, once I saw him.

"No problem. Let's go," he said. He kindly opened up the door for me and made sure I didn't have any trouble before he, himself, got in the car.

"Everything turn out all right?"

"Yeah, the baby is growing and healthy. Part of me wants to find out if it'll be a boy or a girl but then I don't. Then I could buy things with certainty but then I'd miss out on the surprise of it all. You might think I'm crazy." I blush.

"No, I find it so cute when you ramble about your plans. I like to hear what you hope and wish for. It makes me think I'm one of the luckiest guys in the world, if not the luckiest. My Jinnie is a cute little bean."

"Stop it! I told you to stop saying those things." I think the car air conditioner stopped working.

"No, I like seeing you blush!" He smiles proudly and I hit his arm.

"Do you want to go in there?" Hyungie asks. I look up at him and am confident to respond honestly. I nod. "Let's go in there." He smiles.

We step inside and look around the small shop. It's filled with toys, cribs, clothing, and everything you'll need for a baby's arrival. There's so many things that are so adorable and I want to buy everything but I can't.

"There's so much a baby needs. I never realized," he looks amazed. I laugh because he looks so amazed by it all.

"They need just about everything. Can you let go of my hand?" I ask, he's been holding my hand this whole time. It's nice but I can't look through everything if he's holding my hand. I'm thankful when he lets go of it but I giggle when he back hugs me.

"I like this better." He kisses my forehead.

"You're too touchy!" I can't help but giggle when I feel his breathing on my neck. He's lucky I can't do anything like hit him to stay away. "Stop," I beg.

"Sorry," he apologizes but I'm not sure if I believe it. He positions himself better but it's still considered a back hug to me.

I look through calmly and decide it's probably best to get new bottles and pacifiers for now. I had looked at some booties which were hand made and just beautiful but they were too expensive. It'll have to wait.

"Aren't you getting that?" He asks as we walk away.

"I can't afford it. I'll come back next week and hopefully I'll have enough." I try not to sound so disappointed but it's the only pair I saw and I'm not the only pregnant person in this area. It may be a small town but there was still enough people for me to be worried.

"I'll get it." He lets go of me and he picks them up.

"You shouldn't. It's not your responsibility, it's mine."

"You're my future husband, therefore, it's my business. Now, let's pay for it. Don't worry, I'm working with grandfather. It's not much money but it's enough." He makes it seem like it's no big deal. It's a big deal when we haven't really talked about expectations and such. We were mostly enjoying each other's company.

I was really enjoying his company. It's been so easy and light like today. There's no troubles and there's laughter...it's a good thing.

"What names do you like?" I ask. The summer breeze feels nice while we eat some ice cream. The tree providing shade from the bright noon sun.

"This one looks nice Jisoo, Jinyoung..." he's reading over my shoulder and it's cute how concentrated he is. Hyungie is very handsome in everything he does.

"What do you think?" He looks at me and I look back at the book in hand. I've been caught. "You think I'm handsome?" He teases.

"I like those names too. I think, they're both gender neutral." I try to keep the conversation away from my obvious embarrassment.

"You like me!" He laughs. He tickles me and I burst out laughing. Hyungie is going to be the end of me. "Admit it!" His beautiful laugh—I want to listen to it everyday.

"No! Stop!" I manage to say between laughs.

Summer was coming to and end, in a blink of an eye. I had spend most of my afternoons and weekends with Hyungie. Everything seemed to be going smoothly, too smooth; I was starting to question if I was too optimistic. Hyungie was so kind, fun, wonderful, loving and nothing was wrong but I was waiting on something to stop us from being together. I wasn't truly letting myself enjoy our times together. In the back of my mind, I'd always have a seed of doubt.

"You seem so quiet today. Are you okay?" I ask as we head to his car. It's late and it's time for him to head back.

"I, I'm not sure how to say this." He's fidgeting with his hands. "I'm just going to say it. Grandfather is sending me back to school." I take a step back. I feel betrayed but I shouldn't. "I'm going to school. I've been thinking, it's probably best I finish school before marrying you. I've been seeing the way you struggle with money, and even though grandfather's been nice to me—well, I can't take advantage of him. So, it seems like the most sensible thing to do."

He's holding me. Was I okay? It's not like we're truly committed to each other. It's not like I hadn't known that something like this might happen, I'd always known. Then, why am I hurting?

"I'll be back. I have grandfather's blessing to marry you, when I get back. Or we can get married now and then you'll be sure I'm coming back. I give you my word that Jisoo and you are the most important people in my heart."

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Hyungie." I straighten myself out and face him. "It's going to be a while before you graduate and you might end up falling in love with someone else—that's okay. Just don't make me wait on something that might not happen."

"I'm so sure of my feelings, Jinnie. I'll marry you know to prove it. I'm only asking for you to wait for me to finish my degree. I'll try to come and visit, you'll have to tell me when she's coming so I can be here to attend her birth." He kisses me and I believe him. "Jinnie," he sighs.

"We'll wait for you. You can finish your degree and if you want us, you know where we are. We'll be here, married or not. We'll be waiting for you." I hug him tightly. I'm scared because I don't want to let him go. He had been my ray of hope in this time of darkness. And he's leaving me.

My gut had told me what my heart refused to listen to, he was going to leave. I had known it all along, it was another heartbreak waiting to happen. If he breaks my heart, I know it's the end of hope and chances. I won't believe in love ever again. I won't believe in any other love that isn't the one I have for my daughter. So, Hyungie, please don't let me down.

February 10, 2019
There's a bit of a time skip in between "scenes". Sorry for the confusion, if you had any.