What Was Ours

3. Beginning of the end

"I'm tired of taking care of the fucking company. Mister Choi is acting as if his son is willing to come back and take care of this company. What will it take for that child to stop running away? He needs to grow up and become responsible of his own family company."

I'm frustrated having Mister Choi being the little devil on my shoulder. He doesn't let me deal with the company by myself, he's always checking on me, always questioning my decisions. He shouldn't have stepped down if he was going to treat me like an incompetent puppet.

It's been almost three years, since I started to look after the company. There was no financial crisis or anything wrong going on in the company. I know the devil will blame me for everything but I haven't committed a mistake yet. I've done great as the acting CEO, why can't he trust me? I've been a good worker since day one and he still can't trust me.

"Stop complaining. Isn't this what you wanted? Becoming the CEO of the company was your dream. You're such a hypocrite."

"That was before! It's not what I want now. I just— I want to feel free, this old man isn't giving me the freedom to do anything without analyzing every single detail," I sigh. I worked countless hours without sleeping oreating, since the beginning. All to impress this man but he's not one to easily be satisfied with anything. I've been living the wrong way for so long and I'm tired. Tired of not meeting expectations. Tired of feeling belittled by not doing enough.

"What you want is for the kid to come back, then what will you do, when he comes back? You divorce your wife, leave the family home, look for your lover and kid. Grow up!

"You could've done that without the dumbass being here. You could've freed yourself a long time but you keep making excuses to stay. Admit that you're accustomed to this lifestyle and you don't want to lose it. Just drop the damn act of martyr. Live your fucking life. If you haven't left her in all these years, you won't start now. That's your ugly truth. So, pretending that you want better— you don't. You haven't forgiven yourself and your punishing yourself.

"Keep punishing yourself. I don't care but stop complaining about it. It's so annoying. I'm not going to pity you for not making the decisions you made. You had your chances and you chose this— every single time. So shut up."

The cool Min Yoongi finally breaks his silence. I guess, there has been one to many complaints about everything in my life. This is his longtime coming sermon. I hate when people make them but I can't be mad. He's right, I could've left my wife and kids at anytime but chose to stay. I'm a hypocrite. What did I get out of complaining about it everyday of my life? Nothing. It just reminded me of my regrets, failures, and the one that got away.

"Look," he sighs and puts his hand on my shoulder. He looks at me. "You can't go back and fix this. You either start doing things right, your way or however you want to call it but do it without regrets or complaints. I'm your lawyer, your friend but I've got my own shit to deal with. And yours isn't my priority. Now, just go home and spend time with your kids and think about what you're going to do. You have three children with that woman. I don't need to tell you more.

"It's your life but you keep making decisions you regret and I'm tired of hearing it. You either suck it up or take the choice you always wanted. Look,
I've got to go. My wife's waiting for me." He pats my shoulder and heads out of the office without another word.

There's a lot to think about after our conversation is over. All of it regarding my life choices. I don't know if I can take a look back without feeling like I've failed in every aspect in my life. If I feel this way today, how will I feel twenty years down the line? This is not encouraging at all. How does one make a decision without feeling guilty about the outcome?