What Was Ours

2H. Get Ready...

It had been a while since I had gone to the doctor. I was feeling down due to a cold. It wasn't anything I couldn't handle alone. Before, I had taken care of myself and it was no different now. The only difference was I had money to go to the doctor's office. I had decided to go since I could. It was better to make sure it was just a simple cold instead of a virus. There was that a clinic a few blocks away from the apartment. I could easily walk there and get the medicine immediately on my way back. It seemed to easy, convenient for me. I didn't have hyung to take me to "my doctor". Hyung was away at a business trip. He couldn't take me to doctor Kim which was further away.

I sat down in the small waiting area. People of all ages were waiting to be called. There were parents with their children, husbands with their wives, sons with their father's—nothing out of the ordinary. It was fairly noisy there but it kept me awake. I was relieved to be called in by the nurse. This small clinic was efficient. The nurse asked me questions concerning my health and drew blood. It was a precaution due to my active sexual life and most importantly because I was a carrier. The nurse explained it would be a few minutes before the doctor would stop by. I knew it was routine. What I didn't expect was for the doctor to make me wait over an hour in that office. I had taken a nap in that time. It should've simply been a check up and prescription. I wasn't asking for much. I needed to get over this fatigue and muscle pain.

The doctor stepped into the office apologizing for being late. My medical record in his hand. It was a new one which the receptionist made for me when I signed in. It was new but it already had a few more pages then when I last saw it. I was scared. It didn't help that the doctor didn't have any expression on his face. When would things get better for me?

I was back in the apartment with the results in my hands. I felt like I had aged greatly on my way back here. I had a chance to process the information given to me, to overthink my situation. I've been kicked around for too long. I'm tired and life threw me another curb. In a matter of months I would become a father. I was going to have hyung's baby. This wasn't a good thing. It couldn't be. He was married and he made it clear he was never going to leave them. Where does this leave me and our child?

I started to cry feeling impotent. This wasn't something I needed. It was something I wanted but not like this. I was happy to have his child but it was under all the wrong circumstances. I was scared tell him—have him tell me to go through it alone or worse have an abortion. The thought of it was enough to have me in bed crying all afternoon. I wasn't prepared to have a child but I wanted it so badly. Was it wrong to want someone to love? Someone who I was blessed to have in my womb?

There was so much to think about. I had to tell hyung. I couldn't keep this a secret for long. I was already five weeks pregnant. Five weeks!!! Why didn't I know? Why didn't I realize? Knowing wouldn't have changed anything. It wouldn't change the fact that I'm pregnant. If anything, I could have taken better care of myself. I wouldn't be with a cold while pregnant. I couldn't take any medicine for this cold. I'm in way over my head, right now. I didn't know what to do or how to start what needed to be done. To make matters worse hyung hadn't come to see me in a while.

He's always too busy with work–that's his excuse. It's always work. He can't even say it's because of his family. I needed to let him know. I had decisions to make because most of them were in regards of him. Was he going to partake in our child's life? Was I going to have help? Was I alone in all of this? Could I truly count on him? I had to prepare for the worst. Prepare for the worst.

The first step was to contact him. The second set up a meeting time. Thirdly would be to come clean. Then it was just wait for his reaction, response. I sent him a text message to try to get a response. He'll reply soon, I hope. He may take time but I have to be patient, he's never been one to reply quickly. Even though I know he's not a quick replier, I wait anxiously for a response. It's impossible to leave this for later. I can't help but keep thinking I'm pregnant. I try to call him after two minutes but no answer. The clock keeps ticking, keeps counting the minutes. I have to wait before I try again. How long can I stand to be in this uncertainty?

All I know is that I won't give up this baby. Just knowing I have him or her in my womb is enough for me to get attached. It's enough for me to grow fond of and love the baby. I can envision the features he or she will inherit from us. Whatever hyung says won't make me give up on this baby. I get up from the bed and pack up my suitcase and a small bag I have. After getting it ready I look for my savings to have it ready. I count to make sure I have enough for a bus or train back home. If he wasn't going to take care of us, I had to go somewhere I could get help and support. I needed to withdraw more money just to make sure I had some money to start raising this child.

One more thing I needed to worry was about school. I saw my backpack hanging on the desk chair. I wasn't sure what was going to happen. This semester is almost over. Finishing two years in college was an accomplishment in itself for my family. I sigh knowing, if I had finished, it would've been better for me. But I had no one to help care for the baby and the school would take away my scholarship. I'm truly alone in this world. Home was the safest bet. I could get work at a local store or a farm. I would make it, my family wouldn't leave me. I had so much to pray for. So much anxiety, worries running around my head. There's only so much I can do.

I'm praying for strength to get through this. I need to be strong to face this. But I'm scared. Scared that things turn for the worse. Hyung has broken me too many times and I'm not sure I can bear another heartbreak. All I know is that now I have a child to think of. I'm going to do what's right for the baby. I'll leave if I have to because I want this small being to live; so that I can love them with all my heart. I know I came up with a back up plan but I'm still scared to do the wrong thing again. Jungkook can either be by my side or push me away but I'll try my best for this baby. I promise, I'll do my best for you baby. Right or wrong, it's baby and me.

December 30, 2018
I lied. There is one more chapter to the second part. It's going to be the scene that started this whole fic. This time it'll be from Jin's perspective...
The third part will commence after that. It'll most likely return to JK's perspective or maybe both. Not sure 🤔
And this really may be the last chapter this year...?