What Was Ours

3C. Home

We had taken another bus to the get to the center of town. I say "we" because Mister Kim is still tagging along for the ride. He had been quiet since we stepped into this small bus. The man didn't let go of my hand, he held onto it tightly. I didn't have the heart to slip my hand away. It looked like he had a lot in his mind. Perhaps, he was hesitant to say it to a stranger—me. Mister Kim probably had his reasons for keeping quiet. I wasn't going to pry into his business. I looked out the window to see if there was any changes made in my absence. ¿Could I spot the differences?

The farmland was green and tall, as we drove by. It looked like they were growing corn this year. Slowly, I came to realize that I didn't remember much of this place, there was no vivid memories here besides those of home. This place wasn't of my acquaintance. My childhood home would be the only place I could notice changes, if any.

There wasn't any point of looking outside but the view serenaded me. It's was the sense of nearing home which made my heart beat strong and hopeful. That overall feeling was calm and welcoming. There were so many hopes forming and growing within my heart. Mostly dreams of a better tomorrow for the baby and I.

"Are you really pregnant?" I turn to see Mister Kim looking at me. His gaze on my free hand which rests on my belly.

"Yeah, it's fairly recent." I didn't go into detail. He wouldn't care to hear my life story. I was a stranger, after all. Was there more he wanted to know? Probably, not. Could I ask him why he came all this way? I think not.

"Is the father in the picture? I mean, are you married?" He asks uncomfortably. He scratches the back of his head.

"I'm the father. If you want to know if I have a partner," I pause hesitating. "He's not in the picture. It's a long story and I don't know you well enough to tell you. We just met and I don't think we'll be seeing each other."

I had been willing to tell him my story before. It had been my vulnerability that persuaded me. My loneliness seeking company from this stranger. Now, I'm afraid of the judgemental looks I'd receive once we got into details. It was better to keep it short and simple. I was deceived and needed to leave for the better. I shook my head agreeing with my own thoughts.

Apparently, he understand that the topic was closed. He didn't say anything for a while. He seemed to be thinking of what to say next. He just had that look. That determination to say what he needed to get of his chest. I'd listen. Not because I was bored but intrigued by it.

"I ran away from school," he sighed. His shoulders relaxed slightly. "Father expects too much from me. May be because I'm not really his son or he expects to have a perfect heir or maybe both. I don't know but I've tried to please him. It's too much, it's overwhelming, overbearing at times." I listen to his voice. It becomes melancholic and think, at times. Sometimes you can hear the cynicism and sarcasm he's built due to the life he was given. He truly is a poor rich boy.

I listen to him attentively. I don't interrupt in fear that he'll stop venting those emotions he's caged inside himself. The situations sound that of a movie but I've realized that things are never as far fetched as I thought them to be.

"You know me—Kim Taehyung. The boy trying to reach the only family he loves. You don't know the mask which bears the name Choi Taehyung. With that name comes a title of heir, future CEO." He laughs at it all. There's no cynicism like before, just acceptance of a lonely life. We're both two lonely souls.

"I, I'm Kim SeokJin—" What was I supposed to follow that with? I look at my swollen tummy. "I'm pregnant with a married man's child." I looked to see him. He had no judgement expressed on his face. He would listen to me. He was willing. And I willingly gave him my pathetic story of a deceitful and blinding love.

I look at my parents waiting for me to take me home. But I can't help but look at the young man next to me. He's got an unclear and unknown path to take like me. We've got a long way to go before overcoming those obstacles we were presented with.

"Will I see you again?" I ask, worried about him. Part of me wants to know everything will turn out for him. He'll end with something positive.

"I don't know." He looks me in the eyes. Can he be wishing the same? "Kim SeokJin, you're too good for this world. I wish I could help you out but I've got my own struggles, battles to face before I can. But I know you'll get through this. You will and I'll be proud of you...I, I wish for us to meet again. Perhaps, we will this town is small enough." He smiled and I want to believe him. He, himself, wants to believe we will but we won't.

I swallow the sob building in throat. I nod. My lonely heart connected with his story. It was empathy. Then why does it feel like I'm being abandoned again?

"Take care, Hyungie. I'll be praying for you. I'm sure our paths will cross again." I smile at him. I'm trying to remain optimistic but it's hard when there's melancholy. Our stories were sorrowful and depressing.

He nods before turning to leave. His hands slips from mine and I see him walk away. He'll be okay, I have to believe it. Repeat it like a mantra until you believe it, I tell myself.

"Who's that?" Papa asks.

"He's a friend I made along the way."

Papa and omma look at him but nod. I understood why they wouldn't believe me. Hyungie and I got close to each other. There was emotional intimacy which could mirror put physical one. I trusted that man with my secrets which my soul hid from the world. I'd have to let my parents know everything. It was going to be tough but that wasn't the only fear I'd face. There was more to come but I was confident that they would be my my side. I hug them tightly. The sense of relief is immediate but I can't help my mind to stray. We walk to the car. I take one last look over my shoulder. His head held high and his walk confident, he'll be okay. He will. There's hope that I will be too. I'm where I need to be and so is he. We're home. There's no other place I'd rather be.

January 18, 2019
It's a bit shorter then the last few I've updated but here it is.

Thoughts? Concerns?