73 Memories

The Thirty-Fifth Memory

A day before my birthday, I found my stomach hurting immensely, and sat in bed instead of going to class. My roommate and best friend, Emlyn, offered to stay with me. "I want to be here unless I need to take you to the hospital. Can't have the little bean getting hurt, can we?" you asked me, poking my stomach softly.

I sighed, but I smiled anyway. "I know you want to help, but I can't have you getting behind in your studies every time I don't feel good."

"But-"

"Em, I promise if I need you I'll call, okay? Try not to worry too much and learn something for me."

She pouted, but when she saw that I wasn't going to budge, gave in. "Fine. But I'm coming back here every hour I have free."
I rolled my eyes and nodded. "Deal. See you in an hour."

Emlyn smiled and waved, then left the room.

I stayed on my bed for thirty more minutes, watching That 70's Show until I had to go to the bathroom.

When I went to flush, I screamed.

Blood.

I felt my knees buckle and I put a hand on the sink to keep my balance while I lowered myself to the floor.
I loved it. I loved it more than I knew, and now that's all it would ever be: loved. No name, no mouth or ears or eyes or nose.

I couldn't speak. I couldn't move. I couldn't seem to do anything.

I don't know how long I was there, but it was long enough for Emlyn to have come back. She called my name, but I couldn't answer. I heard her knock on the bathroom door. "Hey, you okay?" I still didn't answer. "Hey, if you don't answer, I'm coming in." I could hear the concern in her voice, but I still couldn't get myself to answer. And so, the door opened.

She looked around before seeing me. "What happened?"

When she realized I wasn't going to answer, again, she looked around the room, trying to find the reason. I knew the exact moment her eyes landed on the toilet. "Oh my God! No!" Emlyn flew down to where I was sitting, and when she wrapped her arms around me, I started crying. I couldn't stop. The tears were coming down like a waterfall. I finally got my mouth to work.

"My baby is gone," I croaked out, a fresh set of tears strolling down my face.

"I know, I know. It's going to be okay, alright? Shh..." Emlyn kept whispering little nothings into my ear, and I kept crying until I ran out of tears.

We sat in silence for a minute until she spoke softly to me. "Have you told your boyfriend?"

I shook my head and stood up, making my way to the toilet and saying something in my head for my baby before I flushed the toilet and left the room, feeling guilty about the fact that my child was going to be in the sewer.

I'm sorry, I love you. I didn't mean to let you down like this.