The World Cup was a both an anticipated time and a dreaded one. Seeing faces that you might not want to see at the moment seemed to be the script written on many of the men's stories.
James and Cristiano never let their past come between them. They had, had a few affairs here and there but they didn't let their feelings cloud their minds. They knew that they could never be anything more than simple friends.
"You should come by my room later," Cristiano said with no specific tone. It was a simple offer that James knew he couldn't resist.
"I don't think this is a good idea, Cris.. what if people see me?"
"No one will think anything of it. Are you coming or not?"
"Yeah."
James wasn't as excited as he usually was. He felt like he was simply being used. Cristiano used to be more romantic. The memories of their passionate love flashed before his eyes. Where was the Cristiano that James had fallen so deeply in love with?
"Do you think we should stop?" Cristiano asked, breaking him out of his trance.
"Why do you say that?"
"I think you might have feelings for me."
"Is that wrong?"
"James.. you know the rules. We can't do this if one of us has feelings. I don't want to hurt you."
"So you're saying that you don't care about me? That you haven't felt a single thing in all this time?"
"Of Course I have! I love you.. But this is too much for either of us. Things would simply get too complicated. I don't want to end things. But I also don't want you to think that something more will come out of this."
"You're a coward. I can't believe I fell in love with someone like you. You can't call yourself a man."
"Oh we both know I'm a man."
"You're not. Being good in bed doesn't make you a man. Your pride and cockiness are so far up your ass I can't believe you can still walk like that."
"Don't do this James. Don't make us end in bad terms. We're good the way we are.. don't ruin it."
"Right because I'm just a good time for you! I'm an easy fuck. Well fuck You! I don't want to be with you anyway."
"I know you're lying. I know you love me and I know you're dying to be with me. I know that you will always belong to me, James. Don't do anything stupid. You will always be mine. I will kill anyone who tries to take you from me."
"Save your threats. Our memories are yours. I'm free."
James walked off with a heavy heart. He loved Cristiano. But he also loved himself. He loved himself enough to know that he deserved better than what Cristiano was offering. He knew that Cristiano was better than that.. that's why he couldn't settle for that.
His head was everywhere but where it needed to be. He felt silly. He was chasing after a god. A god who made him feel so small. It wasn't fair. He needed to forget Cristiano. At least for a while.
James managed to keep Cristiano away from his thoughts for a while but not too long. Cristiano knew how to get under his skin and James hated it.
He had called James. He asked James to eat with him and James was not allowed to decline. He didn't want to decline the offer either.
They sat and ate quietly for most of the time. Neither of them knew exactly what to say without feeling like they were overstepping some sort of boundary. James sighed, being with Cristiano was more troubling than exciting. The relationship was straining. But then he reminded himself that it wasn't even a relationship. He couldn't complain. He couldn't ask for anything.
"This is the last time we will meet up."
"Are you sure about that?"
"I'm more than sure. Cristiano.. being with you.. like this.. it hurts me more than anything in the world. I want to be happy. I want to be with someone who knows what they want. WHO they want. You don't know that.. and if you do, then clearly it's not me."
Cristiano closed his mouth. He was parched. James was breaking his heart but he had too much pride to let him know. He closed his eyes and relaxed himself back into his chair. He smiled bitterly.
"Ah.. I see.. you're a man now. I completely understand you. I'm sorry for wasting your time."
James wanted to cry and punch him at the same time. But he chose to do neither. Instead he smiled and got up from his seat. He walked away.
Cristiano watched him leave, the memories of their love flooding his clouded mind. He wouldn't chase after James. James wouldn't turn around. Neither of them would do anything else to make their relationship work.
All they would have left would be their memories, their thoughts, their fears, and their solitude. Maybe they would regret their decisions.. maybe they wouldn't. Only time would tell.
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