If You Must

All That We Are Is Improved

Penelope

"Penny, I need you to teach me how to dance," Simon Snow blurts out before I've even fully open the door. He looks anxious-- more anxious than I should think is necessary in this situation, but then again... he really is awful at dancing (which I tell him in the most loving way possible).

But then he looks at me with those big, pleading blue eyes and I melt.

"Please, Pen, I know you told me I was hopeless last time we tried, but this is important. This isn't a Leaver's Ball, this is my wedding," he begs. I sigh, a smile tugging at the corner of my mouth.

"Fine, Simon. We've got three hours until the boys get back; let's see what we can do."

Grinning, Simon comes inside. I go to turn on some music while he takes off his things.

"Are you excited for tomorrow?" I call back to him. Two identical thunks reverberate off the floor as he slides off his shoes.

"Yeah. I can hardly sit still," he replies. I laugh.

"Simon, you can never sit still." He grins sheepishly, and suddenly I think I might cry. Because it's that same, bashful grin he's had since we were eleven-- since he was a scrawny little boy in grotty jeans and baggy t-shirts and I was a know-it-all with dyed hair and a ring tied to my finger with string-- and now he's here in my flat, a decade and change older and asking for dancing lessons for his wedding. Nicks and Slick, is this what it feels like when your children get married?

"Yeah, you're right. But, more so now," he's saying, like nothing could ever go wrong in the world ever again. Snakes, I'm going to miss him. I'm going to miss my ridiculous, dorky, sweet, idiotic best friend, who's been better than a brother to me all these years. I mean, he's not going anywhere, but it... it won't be the same, will it? He'll have Baz, and I'll have Micah, and we'll see each other a couple of times a month if I stay in England, at holidays if I move to America. This feels like the end of an era.

Or maybe I'm just getting too sentimental over dance lessons.

"Let's start, then," I say, smiling brightly at Simon, "Let's see if we can make you a bit less hopeless."

We dance relentlessly. For most of the first hour, Simon, as I expected, mashes my toes more often than not. But then I realise I can't just teach him steps, I've got to teach him how to move to the rhythm, and things begin to improve. By the end of hour two, he's so much improved it's like dancing with another person. We dance through Simon and Baz's wedding playlist, switching up the song styles and speeds, but he only steps on my feet twice more and we only knock elbows once.

There's about thirty minutes left, now, until Micah and Baz get back, and Simon and I are swaying to a slow song. My head rests on his shoulder, and his chin rests on my head, and we're hardly moving at all. It's nice.

"Penny?" Simon asks. His voice is soft, and almost sad.

"Yeah, Si?" He hesitates before answering, but then sighs and drapes his arms around my shoulders.

"Will you give me away?"

God dammit, Snow, I wasn't going to cry.

Simon seems scared by my silence, because he pulls away far enough that he can look into my watering eyes.

"...Penny?" He asks cautiously, voice so sincere and full of concern it sends me over the edge. I start to cry in earnest, pulling him into a hug.

"Of course, Simon," I say fervently into his shoulder, "Great snakes, of course I will."

When he hugs me back, I can feel his shoulders shaking, too. Maybe I'm not the only one who's getting sentimental.

-------------------

Author's note:

I legitimately made myself tear up while writing this chapter.

Anyway, on a happier note, I have some exciting news! I've just started a store on Redbubble! I've got a big variety of products, all with my art on them, and much, MUCH more on the way. My username on Redbubble is @hi-its-lefty, and the Instagram for my store is @_lefty.writes_

Sorry for the self promo, but I'm super excited about the store and just wanted to share :)

yours,

-Lefty