If You Must

All That We Are Is Content

Penny

Baz and Simon have been taking longer and longer to return from the simple errands I'm sending them on. I don't think I mind-- Simon seemed close to losing his shit a couple weeks ago, and these suspiciously long supply runs with Baz seem to have calmed him down a bit.

Besides, their absence means I get to spend more time with Micah.

We talk about our own wedding, comparing and contrasting our growing plans with Simon and Baz's. They want a small wedding, we want a big one. Simon wants chocolate cake, we want red velvet. Their bouquets are hydrangeas and various gold-and-silver painted other plants. Our bouquets will have sunflowers and buttercups. It's actually quite fun-- wedding planning is maybe one of the few 'girly girl' things I actually enjoy. Well, not enough to make a career of it, but enough for the time being.

Micah and I get our work done early nearly every day. Then he reads to me, or we watch telly all curled together in a way that used to disgust me when looking at other couples. Sometimes we just sit there in content silence, reading our own books or writing our own essays or just sitting. And it's just so... perfect. It's everything I've ever hoped living with Micah could be.

I don't like to think about what will happen when he goes back to America. He promised his mum-- once Simon and Baz's wedding is over, he has to go.

I think I might go with him.

I haven't told the boys yet. I don't know how I'm going to. All I know is eventually, I'll have to choose: to stay or to go. And maybe it wouldn't be permanent-- maybe I could convince Micah to move back to England with me. All I know is it's going to wreck Simon. Simon, who's more of a sibling to me than any of my actual siblings. Simon, who I love dearly.

Eventually, I'm going to have to tell Simon. And I am dreading that moment.

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Author's note:

So sorry for the lack of updates! SCHOOL IS STRESSING ME THE FUCK OUT. For all of you who either aren't in high school yet or have yet to take Junior year, JUST SAY NO. FOR PETE'S SAKE. JUST SAY NO.

That's all, enjoy my fun little PSA :)

-Lefty

P.S.

The skeleton in my new profile pic's name is Gustav, and he's cooler than you.