Just Friends? (Jammie)

XV (Part 2) - Kiss It Better

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I'm sure I've heard faint knock and her voice calling my name around five in the morning. I'm not dreaming. 'Cause I haven't gotten sleep all night til morning. I was awake the whole time. From her wake up call until I heard the door closed. She left for work, I know. But, today she'll be busy with an event from Toujours and quite a painful coincidence, Karin was also there as a guest. And I know it all.

The only thing I don't know is what to feel.

Their lives are intertwined while my stupid heart tells me that we are more than what they have; we are tied like knots. I still have the edge 'cause I'm the bestfriend and the roommate. But, I think it's the disadvantage as well. 'Cause I'm only the bestfriend and only the roommate.

Sucks, I know. Pretty shitty, actually.

I hate my life.

Groaning at myself, I dragged myself outside the apartment once I gotten my keys. I don't really have a particular plan for the day but, I don't wanna lock myself in my room or anywhere the apartment, 'cause all I see is her. All I could smell is her. All I could think of is her. Just her.

I might lose my mind further if I don't leave this place. And so, I drove to the familiar road of Rosemary. Amy's sudden call this morning had been an answer to my short prayer that only includes a single question of 'where will I go now?' She actually called to tell me that she's bored since it's her day off and was going to give me a surprise office visit. I told her I'm just by the aparment since I called in sick but, I'm fine, just not in a mood for work. I already submitted all the reports and files to Downer and sent Liza the proposals and layouts. That made my boss calm himself down about my sudden absence.

The random call eventually turned to a counseling session. Amy's concerned voice made me crack and she insisted on coming over but, I just dismissed the idea seeing I, myself, wanted to escape my own place for a while. I asked where she's at instead and apparently, she was at the frat house, hanging out with Jpan. Not really hanging out. More like, dyeing Jpan's hair again.

I stopped by the red light and gather my thoughts once again. I clearly have no plans for my entire day. I'm letting my carelessness handle the situation. 'Run away and face it later' motto. I was aware it isn't the best idea but, nothing's rational for a broken heart. And so, I am escaping my problems temporarily, like a 23-year old should do.

God, I'm so helpless.

I felt like a needed a drink for the day. On an early bright day at two in the afternoon. Totally adult.

"What the hell am I doing to myself?" I muttered under my breath as I step on the gas and drive forward when the light went green, with one thought in my mind.

I need to be better. I have to.

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"I will leave my heart at the door...
I won't say a word.
It all been said before you know

So, why don't we just play pretend
Like we're not scared of what is coming next
Or scared of having nothing left..."

Words flows freely through my lips as I get enamoured by Adele's beloved song. I gestured a pointing finger at nowhere.

"Look don't ...
Give me wrong
I know...
There is no tomorrow... "

I paused dramatically and let myself be drown with the music, with my eyes trained down the dark red liquid in my glass.

"All I ask is if...
This is the last night with you...
You better-- FUCKING HOLD ME LIKE I'M MORE THAN JUST A FRIEND!----"

"God, Joanna!" Amy yelled as I try and assume that I could shout my feelings out with a song made for brokenhearted ones like me. Only Adele understands this pain. Only Adele.