* Book two of "I should feel like:" please read the first one before this.
This book focuses on the aftermath of the book being release into the public eye.
More importantly, El's mental health.
Josh trying to save her by the only thing he knows...
El wore a hat to the store to keep her from seeing people's stares. Her mother sent her on her own way to grab a few things for dinner due to the fact that El seemed happier. Before she had no choice but to send her on her own but this time she didn't hesitate to.
El's father was at home finishing up some work, he hadn't spoken to El since before her being hospitalized. He wasn't home for over two months. Grabbing the brown sugar and spices that were needed she bumped into someone who went to her school.
"What the hell? Oh—El." A boy who once tripped her in the halls straightened up.
"Devin." She spoke bluntly, he looked around and backed up some.
"For what I did before you know—I'm sorry." He spoke in a whisper, El shifted the stuff in her hands. Devin grabbed them and told her that he'd help her with them. She took in how he looked perfectly rested and happy. He was the complete opposite of how she was. His blonde hair was messy and hazel eyes shifted around. Too bad he was an asshole, she thought.
"How do you sleep so well?" She asked as they turned the corner of the aisle.
"I do a lot of sports so my muscles are so exhausted, exercise helps with depression you know? I read an article about how it releases something that makes you happy." El blocked out what he was saying, so many people told her things like those.
It was all gibberish. Thanking him when they stopped at Joanne's cart he nodded and set them down in it before walking away. Joanne watched the boy rush away before clearing her throat.
"Who was that?"
"Just a boy. Let's get going."
• • •
Waiting for dinner to be done El sat on the floor and thought about the time Devin knocked her into a trashcan. Thankfully she did not fall in, but it hurt since it was a metal one. Was this how people were going to treat her? She didn't want that. El just wanted to feel loved, confident, happy and not all alone. So many negative emotions that she wanted to turn into positive ones.
Hearing her name get yelled she walked slowly to down the steps, dreading the dinner. Seeing Josh standing at the doorway he looked very uncomfortable. Unable to control the words that flew out of her mouth she asked her mother what he was doing here.
"I invited him. Now go sit down."
Doing as told she reluctantly sat at the small dinner table. Her father walked in and gave her a small hug. Everyone took their places and began eating in silence.
"So Josh, my wife tells me that you have been very kind to my daughter." El's father finally broke the silence as he sliced his ham.
"I try, I'm surprised I haven't seen you before." Josh quickly switched the subject onto the father.
"I work a lot, but now that El's gotten sick I am going to take some time off to see her. How does that sound sweetheart?"
El shrugged.
Joanne cleared her throat and stopped picking at her food.
"I just wanted to invite you over to dinner to say thank you for being there for El. As well as saving her, Josh."
El slammed her silverware down and got up from the table, she had enough. This was ridiculous. Going up to her room her father, Rick, yelled for her to stop. Turning at the doorway she glared at him.
"You speak of me like I'm sick." She told him, Rick leaned back in his chair. "And you haven't even asked me if I was okay. What kind of father are you?" El cried out before turning away and running up the steps. Rick chased after her and yelled for her to stop. Almost as if something had blocked her way she froze in place at the top of the stairs. Rick climbed up there, red in the face.
"I'm the father who works his ass off to pay your medical bills. I haven't had to time to play babysitter. I don't hear you complaining about the fact that your mother invited someone you didn't agree to over here. Or how you're on the news channel."
"Fine. I'll complain. This was wrong of mom to invite the boy who made all of our lives public over here for dinner. I have been dealing with her crying and babysitting me this whole time. Honestly do you think I wanted any of this? That I'd rather be able to take a walk without getting stopped or not being able to take a shower in peace? Or lock my damn door?" El felt all of her anger explode.
Her hands tightened on the railing to hold herself steady. Ricks face dropped as he saw how badly off she was. The words in her diary weren't even the beginning of what he was seeing. That was the tip of the iceberg.
"Where were you? Are you too ashamed to have a mistake of a child? I bet you're wishing I wasn't your child so you didn't have to clean up this mess. I'm sorry that you and everyone hates me so much! Go back to work. Or whatever the next excuse might be."
El ran up the steps as Josh pushed past her father to get to her. Rick turned toward Joanne, she shook her head and stormed off. He followed after her.
Slamming the door in his face El searched her room for a piece of paper and a pen. The tears already ran down her face and onto the paper before she got the first word down. Josh shut the door and slowly approached her. Taking the pen from her she turned and wiped her face.
"Don't write. Talk to me—El, talk to me." He pleaded her.
"I can't talk, I can't do this anymore." Her breaths came up short, Josh pulled her into a tight hug. She clung to him as if her life depended on him.
"I promise you it will get better. Your parents love you. just give them time. This too shall pass. I'm here for you, you're not a mistake or a mess. You are like water in the middle of the desert; rare and special. It's going to be okay, El."
"There is no better Josh, just darkness."
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