Life Is About More Than Just Surviving • | Clexa AU | (in editing)

Chapter 21

Lexa's POV

        I lay my head back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. I don't know who to talk to, or even what to say but honestly I don't feel like talking. I already took my turn on watch, and Bellamy is out there now. Everyone else is sitting around together talking about where to get supplies, but I don't want to take part in that right now.

        "Lexa, do you know anywhere we could get some supplies?" Abby asks.

        I slowly tilt my head so I'm looking at the group, all their eyes on me. I shake my head slightly to say no, and they all turn away. Suddenly Raven gets up from her position next to Clarke, walks to the door and exits. Soon enough Bellamy comes inside and walks over to Clarke. She whispers something in his ear and a frown spreads across his face before he picks her up in his arms.

        I see her wince at the pain in her leg from being picked up, but I return to my original position with my chin lifted toward the ceiling. I can hear her being set down next to me but I just continue to stare at the ceiling. Bellamy walks away and I'm left alone with the girl who didn't tell me she had a boyfriend. I close my eyes, trying not to think about it.

        "Are you okay?" she breaks the silence. I open my eyes and let out a sigh, moving my head to look at her. 

        "Why didn't you tell me, Clarke?" I ask. I don't know how but I can see how her eyes get sad as she turns away to look at her hands in her lap. I sit up further and gently guide her chin with my hand so she's facing me. "Say something. Please," I ask.

        "I never had the courage to break it off, and for the record I thought he was dead after he got taken by the factory people,"

        "I'm gonna go talk with Raven and Octavia," I tell her as I stand up.

        "Lexa, stop. I'm not going to let you walk over there and leave this unfinished. You cannot run away from your problems and you need to realize that. Please, just sit down," she says. 

        All the thoughts in my head tell me to go over with Raven and Octavia but my heart is pulling me towards Clarke. I think with only my head and walk over to Raven and Octavia. I hear them whispering something to Anya and Luna but only can make out a few things like 'clexa' and 'ship'. Are they trying to find a ship to sail away on? What's a clexa? As they see me they all shush each other and look up at me.

        "Uh-hi," I say a little weirded out.

        There's a chorus of 'hi's' and 'hello's' as I sit between Luna and Raven.

        After that I don't really talk much, I only respond when someone says something to me. I can't help but look over to see Clarke in my exact same position not too long ago, staring at the ceiling. She looks so sad and I know its my fault, and that I need to fix it.

        I stand up and walk over to Clarke, sitting down next to her in silence.

        "I shouldn't have walked away," I say quietly.

        Clarke stays silent.

        "Listen, I'm sorry. I overreacted and I am truly sorry. I know there are no excuses for that but-but I'm just so overwhelmed with the loss of Lauren and-"

        "I understand," Clarke cuts me off.

        "I know you're always trying to do what's best for the people you love, but sometimes there's nothing good for them-or you, at all. I've never seen you give up on them, not once. There's so many good things about you that make you great that words can't explain," I tell her.

        "That's why I...that's why you're you," I finish. I really hope I didn't scare her, that's the last thing I need after all of this.

        Clarke suddenly places her lips on mine for a kiss filled with nothing but love. I can feel warmth in the pit of my stomach as our lips move in sync. She cups my jaw in her hands and I pull her closer.

        The kiss abruptly ends with Clarke pulling away and groaning, and I realize what I did.

        "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry Clarke. I didn't do it on purpose," I say worriedly.

        She looks at me and smiles like an idiot. A beautiful idiot.

        "You're such a dork," she starts to laugh.

        Soon enough I'm laughing with her, but we stop when everyone starts staring at us. We laugh as quietly as possible, trying not to attract attention to ourselves but all of my attention is on Clarke and the way she makes me feel.

        Its not long before Clarke rests her head on my shoulder and I hear her breathing start to steady. Everyone else starts going to bed, Luna going on watch with Anya. Every now and then I'll look over to see Octavia and Raven giggling as they look at Clarke and I. Soon enough, my breathing steadies as I'm holding Clarke in my arms and my eyelids fall closed to join Clarke in sleep.

        I wake up early the next morning, Clarke still asleep in my arms. I look around to find the room empty. Clarke starts to stir in my arms, and soon enough I see her beautiful blue eyes as they flutter open for the first time this morning.

        "Good morning," she says in an almost husky tone, making me smile.

        "Good morning beautiful," I reply as I place a kiss on her forehead.

        We are interrupted as Raven bursts through the door.

        "We told them to wait as long as we could so we wouldn't interrupt this overload of cuteness," she says as Octavia runs in behind her.

        "I'll guess I have to go get Bellamy now," Octavia sighs.

        "Hey wait," I stop her. "I can carry her." I say to Octavia and Raven.

        "Are you sure?" Clarke asks from behind us.

        "Are you kidding me? Why wouldn't I want to carry you bridal style in my arms all day?" I say but instantly cover my mouth with my hand in shock.

        Clarke sees me and starts laughing obnoxiously while Octavia and Raven burst out in laughter behind me.

        "Did I just say that out loud?" I ask quietly.

        "Yeah, you did. But it was sweet," Clarke smiles at me.

        "I try my best," I say with a huge grin as I pick her up.

        "Let's get going, Clexa!" Raven shouts.

        I stop and look at her in confusion as Clarke does the same.

        "What the hell is a Clexa?" Clarke asks as I think the same thing.

        "You, are Clexa. Clarke and Lexa. Clexa. Bam." Octavia says simply.

        "But wh-" I start but get cut off by Clarke putting a finger to my lips.

        "Don't question them," she whispers.

        "See that! That is why you are Clexa, its like a special connection or something." Raven says.

        My eyebrows raise as I doubt her words and I look down to see Clarke doing the same thing while looking right back at me.

        "Okay I think I see what you mean now," I say as I look at Octavia and Raven.

        Abby walks into the room and interrupts our conversation.

        "Are you guys ready to leave yet? Walkers keep coming through the woods so we need to get going," she says.

        "Yes ma'am," Raven salutes and marches out of the room. As we walk by Abby I see Clarke salute her mother silently, no words exchanged. I'm not even sure how to prepare myself for an all day trek in the woods while holding myself and Clarke up. All I know is that I have to do it.