Life Is About More Than Just Surviving • | Clexa AU | (in editing)

Chapter 25

Lauren's POV

I'm a little over two weeks out from where I last saw Lexa and Clarke. I know there's a very low chance of her finding my first note but I still made markings to show her where I've been and where I'm going.

I've been alone for a while and it's getting to my head, I know it is. Sometimes I just want to throw myself to the walkers, I know there's no chance for them to find me. I've been walking and walking, sleeping in random places, I'm tired, I'm hungry, my legs are aching of needed rest and I just can't deal with this anymore.

I can hardly control myself. I force myself to keep walking everyday because I have hope, but that hope might as well been thrown out the window and hit by 4 cars.

I'm walking in the middle of the street, these thoughts running through my mind over again and its so much to handle that I just stop. I can feel the tears coming to my eyes, and I dont try to stop them. I let myself drop to my knees as the tears burn as they come out of my eyes. I choke out sobs and my nose starts to run. I haven't shown this much emotion in years and its coming out all at once, and I cannot stop it. I dont want to stop it. I take my only gun I have and press it against my own temple, and I sob harder.

"I'M DONE, DO YOU HEAR ME? I'VE LOST EVERYTHING! MY MOTHER, MY FATHER, MY FRIENDS! I'VE GOT NOTHING LEFT!" I yell at nothing specifically but I know I'm yelling at myself to push myself over the edge and pull the trigger. It all starts to get too much and I'm clutching my head as if it's about to explode because of the pain, sorrow, even the joy. I turn the safety off on my gun and by now I'm choking on my own tears, I'm sweating and I want to end it all.

I pull the trigger, but I only hear a click. There was no bullet in the chamber, I don't even have ammo. Then the voices I've wanted to hear for so long start to go through my head.

"Do not give up on yourself,"

"We'll find you,"

"Please stay alive until I can see you again,"

"We need you,"

"We love you."

Those voices are coursing through my brain over and over again and that hope reappears. Those voices. Lexa, Clarke, Raven, Octavia, Bryce. They are my hope. And I need to hold on to that for as long as I can, I need to survive.

Lexa's POV

"So we are going to leave now. We will return when we have a lot of supplies for all of us, and we will take a walkie with us. That's pretty much it," Octavia tells everyone.

"We're coming with you," Clementine says for Cameron and herself.

"We'll be fine, you don't need to come." I say to them as polite as I can.

She walks up to me and stands in front of me, Cameron by her side. "We need to get out of this place for a while. Its driving us crazy," she says.

"Fine." I say.

"Good," she says and walks away.

I watch as everyone says their goodbyes and I say mine to Anya and Luna.

"You guys ready?" Raven asks.

The rest of us nod our heads and we get in the truck we will be taking.

"So since you insisted on coming with us, we might as well tell you what we're actually doing." I say as I drive.

"What do you mean?" Cameron asks.