Behind that facade VxBTS

Chapter seven

The next couple days went by a little better to Taehyung's surprise. Although there were no good news about his father, his brother and sister had called and they had a little chit chat without their mother's knowledge. Taehyung felt somewhat better when they didn't blame him for anything and reassured him that it wasn't his fault at all and it was their father's decision.

Taehyung had found himself waking up next to Yoongi the next day on the couch with pillows and blankets around the both of them. He felt a little less alone when he saw how the older left the comforts of his own room to sleep next to the younger on the uncomfortable sofa.

Yoongi was supposed to have a talk with Taehyung that day but he was shook awake by the members, telling him how all of them slept in and are now pretty much late to the practice.
Among all the hustle, he didn't get the chance to communicate with him at all.

The thought left his mind all together when he saw Taehyung smiling and talking with their manager. He blamed it all on his own tiredness and thought that the boy must've been fine and it was just his imagination along with his overprotectiveness towards his dongsaengs that caused him to feel that way the other night.

Taehyung apologised to Sejin when they met at the dance studio. Sejin being the nice person he is and due to his love for the younger boy immediately accepted it when he saw how close he was to crying. They both hugged and talked.

Taehyung never thought he would smile and excitedly mention to his manager how he slept for straight six hours without any nightmares but the day had come and it brought a bittersweet feeling in his heart. Nevertheless, he would take what is given to him for now.

Sejin still gave him the sleeping pills when Taehyung kept on insisting but only after he made Taehyung promise to not misuse them and if things got out of hand, he will immediately inform Sejin or one of the members.

Suga had no idea how much his one act of kindness affected Taehyung's life at such a big scale. Along with his conversation with his siblings, Taehyung felt a lot better and he finally got the feeling that people around him cared a little about him.

Soon they started working on their own solo songs which were to be included in the album. But Taehyung had no idea what to write about. He met up with the composers. Bang PD and Pdogg both asked him for his opinion but the younger was pretty much still conflicted about his feelings since his visit to Daegu.

Because Band PD was not oblivious to Taehyung's condition, he let him off the hook for some time to gather his thoughts and chose to focus on the music only instead of the lyrics for the time being. Everything was going normal, almost too normal and something was bound to go down.

Ignoring that feeling, Taehyung still continued to work his best on his solo song as well as the group's songs and dance moves.

Although his days were better, the nights were still the same where he would stay up late, trying to shut down his pessimistic thoughts and fall asleep. The little happiness of the day was nothing compared to the loneliness and sadness of the long, cold night.

The first day, Taehyung tried his best to sleep but he ended up staying up all night instead with little to no energy in the morning. But he still forced himself to get up for the member's sake and danced his limbs off.

The next day, he tried again but when the clock hit two am, he knew it was no use. He took the first pill on that faithful night.

After a couple of days, he stopped waiting for the sleep to come on its own and ended up using the pills every night so he could sleep for five to six hours, sometimes four.

The nightmares were almost gone now. Maybe it was because how tired he was after the late evening practices or because how exhausting it was to pretend to be all cheerful in front of people. Either way, he was thankful.

Another month passed and everything was normal until his world suddenly crashed again when he received a call from Doctor Park as he was about to take his daily dose of sleeping pills.

The doctor never called. It was Taehyung who always called and in the morning for that matter before leaving for practice. Taehyung's heart sank and he just knew something horrible was about to happen.

" Taehyung-ssi."

" Doctor! Is everything okay?"

"Your father. He just had another heart attack. We contacted the cardiologist and he's trying his best for now. I just wanted to inform you that we might have to do another surgery." That was it. All the calmness and somewhat unforced and real happiness he had felt the past month went down the drain when he heard the news.

Of course. Why would I have a chance to be happy when i clearly don't deserve it?

"Taehyung-ssi? Are you there?" The Doctor questioned when he didn't get a reply after the tragic news he delivered. He never felt that bad for any of his patient's family before but he hadn't seen someone go through something like the idol was going through.

"Yes. I-I..... Will he be okay?" He asked the dreadful question. Doctor Park didn't want to give him any more bad news when he heard his voice crack but he couldn't give him false hope either.

"We're not sure. Just.... Just be ready for whatever happens, okay?" He rubbed his face. He had no idea how to comfort the boy. He couldn't sugarcoat something like that, no matter how much he tried.

Taehyung hung up and his phone left his hand to fall on the floor. There it was, the thing he had been the most afraid of, right in front of his eyes. And he had no idea how to deal with it.

What am I supposed to do now?
How am I supposed to fix what I've caused?
Mom will hate me even more now.
Eon Jin and Jeong Gyu will surely hate me now as well.
After all, I put their father in the condition where his life is in danger.
Nothing small but his Life of all things.
The most important thing for anyone alive.

The morning came too soon with Taehyung just wallowing in self hate and self pity. Someone knocked on his door and said something. He had no idea who it was and what they said. He couldn't focus on anything.

My father is going to die.
I'm sure of it.
There's no way he could bear two heart attacks, especially in the condition he is in.

He grabbed his hair, pulling them, trying to get over with what he was thinking. He slapped himself.

Wake up, you pathetic piece of garbage.
He is going to be okay.
Stop
Stop with whatever you're thinking.

Apa is strong.
He won't let anything happen to himself.
He knows he has to come back to us.
To me.

But why?
Why would he come back to someone like me?
Why would he care enough to deal with my shit?
After what I've done.

Someone knocked on the door again. He heard words thrown at him again which never reached his brain.

He left for his bathroom and washed his face.
Once
Twice
Thrice
After that he lost count and continued to splash water on his face without caring that he was soaking all his clothes as well as the bathroom's walls and floor.

He finally stopped when he felt himself shiver due to the cold and then left to change. Leaving his room after getting ready, he grabbed his shoes and followed the members who were walking towards their van to leave for the dance studio, all the while ignoring the glares that were sent his way for making them late.