Skinny Boy ✔

Chapter 5: a break in routine

After almost a month of being married to the gym, I finally began to see results and little changes here and there. For one, it now seemed so small a task to pick up the same textbook that felt like a brick only a month ago. For two, my workout routines already seemed so ingrained in my life that they were no longer such difficult challenges, but became more and more like familiar tasks. It felt more like getting dressed than getting a workout. For three, people began pointing out the changes in my physique. My parents, my peers, and girls.

These changes all brought with them two things: satisfaction and motivation. The satisfaction came from knowing that all my work was starting to show, and my time and dedication to gaining this weight and building these muscles was paying off. The motivation to work harder that came with it is putting it modestly. It was more like a desire.

A desire to see more positive changes, to find those weights and workouts easier, and to get more praise and admiration. It's so stupid, really. One of the biggest driving factors that drove me onto a road of madness was vanity. But this sense of pride became toxic the more my ego was puffed up, because little did I realize that I was not only putting my happiness into my looks, but my sense of self-worth, too.

~

"You wanna come over later?" Garret asked.

"I have to go to the gym after school." The words slipped out of my mouth so naturally that I was almost confused when he pulled an expression. Then I remembered that what was already second nature to me could still be an adjustment for him.

A month was enough to ingrain this new schedule into my mind. But Garret wasn't the one spending an entire month in the schedule, so one couldn't expect him to be adapted to another person's routine and new habits. "You're always at the gym," he said.

"I go everyday after school," I shrugged.

"But you also go on the weekend. Don't you ever get tired?"

All the time. Instead of voicing my thoughts, I offered another shrug.

He narrowed his eyes at my reaction. Whatever he was looking for, I didn't let him have it, and took his silence as an opportunity to steer the conversation back to where it began. "I can come over for dinner and hang out then, if that's alright."

"Yeah," he said, voice flat and matching the look on his face.

We left it at that, ignoring the questions we both knew were lingering in his head.

~

Up until one specific exchange with my friends, my workout and eating regimen was what I like to call casually rigid. I didn't drift too far out of the necessary procedures that seemed to be the staples of my routine, like reaching my caloric goal, taking in my required protein amount, and spending time working out. The last could be anywhere from a short run and some arm and core exercises, to several hours at the gym on a Saturday morning. Regardless of how long I spent on my workouts, I still did them.

Almost two months after having implemented my routines into my daily life, I was face with the inevitable that I had been dreading this whole time: a whole day broken out of routine. Now, this may not seem like a big deal. If anything, it should be something to be grateful for. It's a day off! Who doesn't want that?

But for me, I had gotten to comfortable with being confined to my schedule that it seemed such a ridiculous idea to step outside of it. It was comfortable, it was safe. Besides, I didn't need a day off. I already took Sundays off, so I could have one day to relax before starting the cycle all over again the next day. It was that specific day that my body and mind had grown used to taking as a day to recover, and my muscles, to regrow.

It just won't feel right taking a second day off! I thought.

As it turns out, I was right. Completely and utterly right.

That Saturday, after finding out that
Matt wasn't going with his dad for the weekend, Garret invited us both over to hang out. In other words, this was his chance to show us his latest track he made. But, like the good best friend I was, I obliged to his wishes and went there shortly before lunch.

Okay, maybe me being a good friend wasn't the only reason I showed up. He also promised to buy a bus load of nuggets from McDonald's that he'd give us for lunch. Hey, I like food, so sue me. Not to mention, the calorie count for their nuggets was easily searchable, so it wasn't too daunting that day food-wise.

But as we sat around his bed, our hands armed with controllers, a slight urge to get up and do something began itching at my leg. I wanted to get up and walk around, to run, to move. Then it spread to my torso, which tensed in this unnatural slouched position I was just beginning to train myself out of. My arms soon followed, my body not being content with only a few muscles getting attention that was directed toward a single task: being lazy and playing a video game.

"Dude, are you okay?"

I blinked myself back into full consciousness again. It was only now that I was self-aware did I become conscious of my knee bouncing up and down involuntarily, my toes curling with jitters that made it clear I was going to be fidgety without my workouts today. I forced a small smile for the two of my friends. "Yeah, I'm good."