Skinny Boy ✔

Chapter 14: a lie on a lie

Did I say that the look on my parents' faces broke down my wall?

Perhaps that was too strong of a phrase for what really happened. It was more like put a dent in a single brick.

No, I didn't admit to them what I'd initially taken them for. I didn't tell them about how terrified, how petrified I was by the mere thought of losing my progress, and not getting more. I didn't admit how horrible a thought it was to think of myself as still being that scrawny, lanky, awkward little boy, or that I still felt like that undesirable skeleton that no girl could find attractive. I didn't confess the sins of my vanity and pride, or explain how insecure I was. I couldn't bear to, I just couldn't.

But I couldn't leave them without some sort of explanation. Not with the concern etched into their expressions. So I gave them one. Not the explanation, an explanation. It seemed better than nothing--at least at the time.

"I thought that they would get me high."

Mom's hand began to tremble, and she swiftly removed her touch from my hand to hold her own. Dad suppressed a sigh, though it slowly escaped his nose. The doctor nodded, obviously having expected such an answer.

"Where did you get them from?" dad asked.

"A kid from school." Not a lie. "He offered them to me, said that he had to get rid of them before his mom found the rest." Lie. What kind of idiot would give away his pills for free?

"Well these definitely do not get you high," the doctor said. "If anything, they'll get you low."

You don't have to tell me that much.

~

The whole visit at the ER was almost completely silent, all the way up until the point of being discharged. We didn't need to say anything, though; the looks on their faces said everything I needed to know. It was more uncomfortable than the lingering side effects from the medicine. The doctor said that that was expected to last for at least another day, given the amount I'd taken.

Some medicine that stuff is. I pity the people who are given that poison. I was completely drained. Not just mentally, but physically. Steroid my ass! Steroids are supposed to make you feel stronger! I'm gonna strangle Aaron the next time I see--

Aaron. Driving down the road, regretting my decisions, I realized that I could have avoided all of this lying to my parents if I hadn't lied to a drug dealer. If only I would have manned-up, and told someone who was meddling in illegal activities himself that I was also doing something illegal...

Man-up. I need to start manning-up and owning what I do. Maybe not in front of everyone, and definitely not in front of my parents, but in front of people who I can show my way of life to.

I need to start embracing what I do when I can.

The silence continued until we were at home, safely concealed from the outside world by the shut door. My siblings looked upon my fragile state with wary expressions. Unless I missed overhearing a phone call in the last couple hours, they still didn't know what was wrong. And understandably, they wanted answers.

"Geez, you look like shit," Jamie said.

"Feel like it, too," I mumbled under my breath, my parents too busy scolding his foul mouth to catch it. "Happy birthday to me."

I turned to go upstairs, ready to lie in bed until my stomach ache gave way, but mom grabbed hold of my arm. I was too weak to try and fight with her.

Weak. I'm weak. I hate it.

"Not so fast, mister." She nodded her head to the couch for me to take a seat, and I obeyed. I had neither the physical nor the mental energy to put up a fight. I just had to brace myself until this lecture was over with.

"There are going to be some consequences for your actions," dad said. "Granted, I think that you've suffered enough for your bad decisions. But we are going to set some boundaries."

I nodded soberly. It wasn't like I didn't expect this. "Okay."

"Wait, I'm confused. Did he do something stupid?" Haley asked.

"Extremely," mom said through gritted teeth.

"You were trying to impress a girl again, weren't you?" Jamie said. A wry smile pulled at his lips. "I always expected you'd wind up hurting yourself trying to get the ladies."

"No, that is not what happened," dad said. His tone was firm; he was so sure that that was not the truth, but in reality, Jamie's guess was closer to the actual truth than what dad believed to be true. "He made a poor choice and tried to get high on pills."

"He what?" Haley almost shouted.

"I think he learned his lesson." He looked down at me sitting on the couch, weak and pathetic, like a helpless little child scolded for being caught stealing a cookie. "At least I hope you did."

I nodded gingerly.

"No going out with friends for a month. If they're going somewhere with their parents and invite you, or they come over here while someone else is home, that is permissible. But you have broken our trust, and until you earn it back, I don't want you alone with other impulsive, reckless teenagers."

It seemed unfair, but I agreed anyway. I knew I should have defended my friends, pleaded that they weren't impulsive or reckless, and that they had no part in or knowledge of what I'd done. I should have, but I didn't. Because unless it benefited my goals, and boosted my ambitions, I was cowardly.

"And no gym for a month," mom added.

That was where I drew the line. "What?" I jumped to my feet, only regretting it the moment I did. My stomach started doing back flips again. I gripped my side and took a seat back down.

"Especially while you're in this condition," she added.

"Why?"

"Why? Because like your father said, you broke our trust, and you have to earn it back. If you show yourself trustworthy again, I'll think about bringing it back to two weeks. But for now, you're still grounded."

This can't be happening. I screwed everything up. I acted without thinking, and now I've screwed it all up! I'm gonna lose all my gains! I'm gonna have to start from the very beginning again! I can't go back to that.

I can't go back to being a skinny boy.

~

Hello there! Thanks again for reading. Over 50 votes and 280 reads? You guys are amazing--seriously.

What did you think of this chapter? My poor baby, he's just too scared and ashamed, and feels like he can't admit what's wrong. His whole life is just a storm.

Feedback?

I'm thinking of beginning another book once I near the end of this one (though that wouldn't be for quite a few more chapters). What did you think before about having a song with the chapter? Yay or nay? I know that there will be one chapter towards the end that the song just goes with the scene, so I'll have to include that one then.

Enough rambling from me, have a nice day. <3