Skinny Boy ✔

Chapter 18: 15 minutes

Brown eyes gazed in my direction, followed by two familiar pairs. I couldn't hear their whole conversation, but picked up on enough to know that the unfamiliar girl was asking something about me. Plus, her attempt at subtly pointing to me was a dead giveaway. Seconds later they were all climbing out of the water, bringing half the pool with them to drip wherever they went. It's no wonder mom always got mad at us for running in and out of the house when we played in the sprinklers. There's always a never ending stream of water no matter how long you try to drip-dry.

As they approached, I internally chanted a mantra of keep your eyes up; don't look at her swimsuit. But that's like telling a tightrope walker not to look down--it does not help.

"So," Sandra chirped, placing a sassy hand to her popped-out hip. "You barely contact us for a whole month, and suddenly decide to show up?"

I shrugged and feigned innocence. "Garret showed up at my house and invited me here."

"Yeah, probably because you haven't been answering your damn phone." Henry wandered off to get a towel, and Sandra sat her smart ass on the chair beside me, the stranger pulling a chair over next to her. As she sat down we briefly made eye contact, and immediately, my internal chants changed to those of don't blush don't blush. I'm sure that it was in vain, though. As she flashed a smile, white teeth shining against her dark skin, there was no way my cheeks weren't burning. And I don't mean just from the sun.

Sandra saw what was happening and took initiative of the situation.

"Nate, this is my friend Chelsea. Chelsea, Nate."

This time I smiled back. "Nice to meet you." You have no idea how nice.

She returned the greeting and looked back to the pool. Wonder reflected from her eyes like the sun against the water, and I was left with wonder of a different kind. Hers was one that lead her back to the pool with Sandra, a wide grin on her face. Mine was a wonder drawn from observing hers. A sort of secondhand wonder, if you will.

She looked back and nodded to the pool. "Are you gonna come in, or what?"

I hugged myself, feeling my whole body slump into itself. "I already did."

"So?" She flinched when water splashed up against her. With a gasp, she looked to her accomplice: Garret. "It's not too late to get back in and help me get back at him." With that, she stepped foot first into the water, joining in with the rest of my laughing friends.

They were so happy. Splashing each other, trying to dunk one another under the water, running back out time and time again just so they could jump back in. Their squeals and giggles skipping across the waves like a perfectly carved stone, their smiles echoing across the backyard. And there I was, feeling so out of place, but unable to tear my eyes away from this happy little scene that I longed to be a part of.

But how could I? The very thought of taking off my shirt and exposing my vulnerable side to not only friends, but someone I had met moments ago, was enough to send anxiety swirling in my stomach.

It seemed to be a reoccurring thing in my life to be at war with myself over the most silly things. It's funny, really. I wasn't afraid to keep working out when I'd sprained my wrist, even though I knew full well that I could have further damaged it. I wasn't scared to take a drug I knew next to nothing about. I wasn't scared to stab a needle in my skin everyday and inject a substance that I got from a drug dealer. But out of all the things I could have found daunting, it was showing off my body to people who probably didn't give a care.

I tried to weigh the pros and cons, but gave up when my foggy mind and racing thoughts refused to let me focus on something comprehensible--something that made sense for once.

I took a deep breath, fighting off the panic that threatened to surface. Finally, after sitting on the chair lost in my thoughts for more or less 5 minutes, a loud voice interrupted the others screaming in my mind.

"Nate!" Garret yelled.

I didn't know my eyes were out of focus and I was really just staring into space until he called for my attention. "Yeah?"

"Stop moping around and get in here already!" Henry finished for him.

I chewed on the thought, doing the same to my lip.

"Come on," Sandra groaned. "I know you wanna show off your abs!" She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"I don't have abs." That wasn't the full truth. Yes, my abdominal muscles were starting to show more, but I didn't have the washboard abs that I wanted. My waist was too small in diameter, and my ribs protruded in the most awkward way. On top of all that, my torso was oddly proportioned to the rest of my body. I wanted so badly to change it, but they didn't protrude enough to inject steroids there. Even if they somehow did, I would have to inject at a difficult angle.

"Oh, come on," Garret laughed. He propped his arms up on the edge of the pool, placing his head in his hands. "You mean to tell me that you're constantly at the gym all day, everyday, and you don't have abs?"

I tried my best to make my shrug look nonchalant. "I'm more into lifting, is all."

The girls had gone back to whatever they were doing at this point, but those words caught Chelsea's attention. "Are you a bodybuilder?"

Be cool. Be casual. "I mostly do it as a hobby." I threw in another shrug. You know, just in case I didn't seem casual enough. I probably should have been more concerned with whether or not I was leading her to believe I had tourettes.

"That's cool."

There she goes with that smile again.

She swam off with the others, Garret eventually giving up on the basket case called me and joining the fun again.

I sat there for maybe ten more minutes, watching, wishing I could find those things as easy as they do, before I gathered up my stuff and left for home.

"Where are you going?" Garret asked as I headed for the gate.

"I'm kinda tired, I think I'm just gonna go home for now." I tried my best to keep my tone neutral, but I have a feeling it wavered, because the next thing I heard was "Nate, are you feeling okay?"

I turned back around. He was closer than I thought he was, his voice near but soft with concern.

"What do you mean?"

"You haven't been...acting yourself lately," he said. It came out sounding more like a question than an answer.

I forced a smile onto my lips. "I'm good. Really."

I took a few more steps toward the gate before he stopped me again. "Text me sometime, okay? I miss having my brother around."

"I will," I called over my shoulder. I didn't dare turn all the way around and look him in the eye. I couldn't. It would destroy me.

I couldn't be destroyed by one of the people I care most about. I was already doing a good job destroying myself, if you ask me.

~

Hey guys! I just barely got this out on time.

Thoughts on the chapter?
How about the fact that he couldn't bring himself to take his shirt off again?

Or his longing to be able to do what they could?
How about that brotherly conversation he had at the end with Garret? Or that last line?

Have a lovely week! Love ya <3